Wow
. I just caught this thread, and....wow.
He're my take (i always seem to have one!
) It seems to me like you already know in your heart want you want to do.
It appears that you are staying at KA more out of the fear to leave than the desire to stay. I would never suggest depleging. No one can give you advice on that. But what I would suggest is seeing yourself with the people you have chosen to call brothers. It is a committment for life and not one to be taken lightly. You obvoiusly felt comfortable enough with the KAs to pledge them. So my guess is, you wouldn't be miserable if you stayed. But if you always think of the other frat then, I dunno.
Compare it to chosing a wife, a lifelong partner. If you chose to marry her because you do really care for her, but are always wondering about that other girl you were seroiusly into, then eventually you will resent the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with. Or, you may realize that you made the right choice and find true happiness with the one you've chosen. It stinks that we can't all have crystal balls. Life would be so much easier!
Make the choice that is best for you and have no regrets.
I hope it works out for you.
Leslie