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Make your day as stress/embarassment free as possible. If you haven't already, explain things to them they way you explained it to us. Let them know that if they don't RSVP or if they do & bring extra people, they will be turned away. I like both the ideas you have, although knowing how folks talk, the first one may backfire. I think you have more control with checking the guests against the list.
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But what do I know, I'm just the developer. 
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