[Hartofsec]

My daughter had a somewhat similar situation. Her roommate was a strong legacy to a chapter that released her mid-week, and roomie was just absolutely heart-broken.

My dd pledged the chapter that released her roommate, and aside from some awkwardness during the remainder of recruitment, my daughter became worried that the post-recruitment flurry of sorority-branded goodies and activities was a reminder of hurt and disappointment for her roomie.

It didn’t help that my daughter heard after bid day that her roomie was released because of a COMPUTER ERROR.

I feel like the most important thing any new member can do is actively seek opportunities to get to know her sisters, so I advised my dd to give her roomie an encouraging nudge (or push) to get involved with her chapter. I couldn’t think of anything that could be done about the hurt feelings other than the passage of time – so I advised daughter not to feel guilty about her own excitement, activities, and paraphernalia while being sensitive to the rawness of her roommate’s feelings.

A lot of this they probably would have done anyway, but daughter asked her roomie to take her as a guest to some meals at roomie’s chapter house so she could meet her roomie’s new sisters. She invited her roomie to go places with her own new sisters as well – many (of both chapters) lived in their dorm. She encouraged her to stop by her (roomie’s) chapter house between classes instead of always returning to the dorm room. As DBB suggested, they went on outings that were sorority-neutral, which included girls from a number of chapters. She also convinced roomie to sign up with her for a committee that included freshman from probably every chapter as well as freshman who were not Greek.

I hope it helped somewhat, though one way or another, her roommate eventually found her niche in her chapter – even amid some back-home bf drama and probably a few too many trips home. It all worked out – she was happy in her sisterhood (and probably stronger and wiser too).

It’s easy from our adult perspective to say “bloom where you are planted,” since we know there will be plenty of life situations where happiness is something we decide to choose in whatever circumstance we find ourselves, rather than a state controlled by the circumstance. An 18-year-old college freshman is still learning and may need a little time for feelings of rejection and disappointment to fade before realizing their power to shape their circumstance.