First off, you are not a loser. Every chapter looks for different things in their members.
Take a deep breath and take a long, mature look at the situation. There are still 2 groups on campus that really want you for a sister. They already feel that you would make a great addition to their chapter. Is there nothing about either of these groups that appeal to you? There must be something, because you've visited them every night this week. Think back and remember how these women acted with you and with each other - were they sincere in their desire to know you? Did you think to yourself "Wow, these girls are not just sisters during Rush, but friends when Rush is over?" If the answer to either of these questions is "yes", I would advise that you attend both these parties with an open mind. Let the members tell you why their sorority is special to them and why they want you in their chapter. Talk with your Rho Chi about this. You can attend the parties and, at the end of them, if you really decide that you cannot be happy in either of these chapters, you can decline the opportunity to fill out a preference card, thereby removing yourself from the recruitment process. You would be eligible for snap bidding or COB.
If you submit a preference card and receive a bid, you are obligated to accept it. If you do not accept the bid, you are not eligible for snap bidding or any sort of recruitment for one calendar year. If you are thinking of filling out your pref card with the assumption that you will not get bid - think again. Since you are on the pref lists of two chapters, you will appear on their bid lists and most likely you will be bid by one of these chapters.
If you think that dropping out of rush will make your #1 chapter (the one that did not invite you back) snap bid you, think again. If they wanted you as a sister so much, they would have invited you back for prefs. Yes, this sounds harsh but in emotional situations like this, sometimes a reality check is needed.
If the chapter that did not invite you back is as popular with the rest of the prospectives as they are with you, most likely this chapter will take quota and/or be at campus total. They would not be eligible to snap bid or COB anyone.
My advice? Talk to your Rho Chi - she is there to counsel you on situations just like this. Personally, I've always felt that a young woman can be happy just about anywhere, if both the woman and the chapter put forth the effort. Trust me, I know exactly what this disappointment is like - my bid was from my third choice. But, I realized that it was more important to me to be Greek AND that this chapter really,really liked me already. I would much rather go to a chapter that wanted me so badly, than drop out of the process altogether. Now, 18 years later, I can look back and realize how silly it was of me 'not' to put this chapter as #1. I've had so many wonderful experiences and grown so much as a woman and as a leader.
Best of luck...you will be in my thoughts!
Barbara
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