[KappaKittyCat]

This is gonna be a little long, but the story's particularly close to my heart.

At the beginning of Winter Term of my freshman year, I re-auditioned for choir and was moved up from the bottom choir to the top one. I was one of only four freshman girls in there, and I didn't know a soul; the rest of the freshmen had integrated themselves fully into the voice department and didn't give me the time of day. My first day of choir, only one upperclasswoman who lived on my floor was very welcoming to me. The rest of them just kind of sat there. Laura and I got to be pals, and when FR time came up, she asked me to go through. I flat-out refused, didn't even let her make her pitch completely. I told her I wasn't a sorority girl and that it wasn't for me. My fencing teammates, many of whom were in FKT, also encouraged me to check out the Greek system. "Only if I can be a Phi Tau," I replied.

The week of FR, I was very curious as to what was going on. I remember walking to a late fencing practice, passing the building where Kappa was having their first round party, and peering in through the windows. I knew some of the girls in there, and I felt kind of left out. On Bid Night I was hanging out at the front desk of my building, in which all the sororities have their rooms. I kept watching girls running by, shrieking, giggling. Thetas wearing yellow shirts that said "Thought Theta" on the front and "Thought Right" on the back were making up silly songs in the hall. DG's wearing shirts that said, "If you had two wishes, what would the other one be?" were ordering pizza. Pretty, dressed up Kappas were holding irises and hugging while a photographer took pictures. I was curious. I felt left out. "But it's a sorority," I thought. Not for me.

Laura was wise and left me alone about it for a long time. She just concentrated on nurturing a friendship, which I welcomed. We had a lot in common. Later in Spring Term, Laura and I had become even better friends. I remember that she'd just gotten a new KKG windbreaker. For some reason, that image took hold of me. I wanted to belong to something, to a family, and I wanted to wear a windbreaker that proclaimed to the world that I was a part of that family. I shoved the thought aside, thinking that just wanting the letters was shallow, anyway.

Kappa was having its Spring Term COBs and Laura finally talked me into going. They were having "Kappa Kappaccino" in the lounge of my building, and I figured I could come and take a twenty minute study break. No commitment. No pressure. I walked in and there were a few other girls I sort of knew and some I recognized, but no Laura. I asked where she was and was told that she was at rehearsal for the spring play, which she was stage-managing. I felt set-up and was very mad about it. I was rude as hell to those girls. I did my best to make them hate me, but they were still kind and gracious and loving to me. (I think Laura probably warned them about me.)

I was about to leave in sheer frustration when some girls playing Pictionary in the corner called over to me. A girl I'd talked to briefly while walking across campus last night said, "Hey, I need a partner!" Elaine and I started playing and winning. It was like we had ESP; each of us figured out what the other was drawing before the image even resembled anything. The others were teasing us that we were cheating, even though we had no idea how we were doing it. The kicker came when Elaine drew a wobbly oval shape with a dot in the middle of it. Without hesitation, I hollered, "A duck in a pond!" I have no idea how I thought of that, but that's what it was. Elaine was shocked. Apparently her dad's the only other person in the world who gets that joke. All in all, I had a very good night that night. When I saw Laura the next day, I said, "You set me up!" She started to apologize, and I said, "No, that's okay. I had a good time."

I'd been home for the summer for three days when my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. He'd been the center of my life for so long that I honestly did not know what to do. I felt like I'd lost my entire foundation. I did my best to move on with my life, but there wasn't really much of a life at home left for me to move on with. I had the usual rebound flings and basicly wandered around blindly all summer, looking forward to returning to school, to some other sort of life. When I did return, I was heartbroken and lonely beyond all belief. All summer the image of those letters on that windbreaker haunted me. I know it sounds crazy, but they did. I kept wondering about Laura and Elaine and everybody else and what they were doing.

I had permission to move in early to do some choir stuff, and who did I run into as I was lugging my stuff up the stairs but Laura. Being sore from spending all day moving in the freshmen, she declined to help me but offered to keep me company. We had a long talk and discovered that we'd had very similar, educational summers. We left a few days later for the choir retreat and bonded even more then. I rapidly became integrated into Laura's group of friends and by the time more COBs came around, I went if only just to hang out with them. By that point, Kappa just seemed an extention of her. I began grilling her on the reasons for joining a sorority. Why couldn't I just be their friend? One thing convinced me: "Anyone can be a friend, but I am tied to my sisters in a special way. I feel for you like I feel for my sisters, and I want to share that with you." SOLD!

I got my bid the night my grandmother died. Again, it was like the rug had been pulled out from under me. The chapter president and the membership chair found me in my pajamas, lying on the floor in the hallway. I didn't even know them that well, yet they stayed with me for several hours while I cried.

When I got home for Christmas the ex-boy called up and asked about what I was doing. He attacked me for joining a sorority (why is it that ex-boys think they can still have a say in your life, especially when they are the ones who dumped you?) and said that I'd been sucked in by a cult-like organization that prayed on the weak and needy. I responded that I'd learned from him that before this, I had no safety net. True friends are the only things that stay constant in one's life, and the events of the past six months had proved to me how bad life is without them. Now I have a loving family that travels with me wherever I go, and they're not going to trade me in on a newer model or leave because I'm too much for them to handle. It's precisely because I'm me that they're going to stay. He really didn't know how to respond to that.

I hit the ground running before I even initiated. I gave my heart to Kappa, and it's returned in kind. This past Fall Term, HQ almost closed our chapter. We were down in numbers and had hit a brick wall when it came to recruiting. There were only six of us, four on campus and two off. The five other members and I fought like hell to keep it open, and we tripled our membership this past year and won the Recruitment Award at our Convention this summer.

It's funny... I was so anti-Greek before I learned what it was about. The biggest thing I've learned is how easy it is to hate something that you don't understand. The hardest thing to do is to keep hating it as much once you've learned about it. If you're not careful, you just might find love where you least expect it.

[Edited 'cuz I forgot to mention...] By the way, Laura turned out to be my big sis. I found out then that Elaine is Laura's big sis and that my friend Melinda, who I didn't even know was a Kappa, is Elaine's big sis. They came up for my Initiation and it was beautiful. I cried during my pledging, my Initiation, my first formal meeting, the last one of the year, the first one after I got back from a semester overseas, and at Convention. I'm such a sap...

Also, I wanted to agree with the above post that said that fear of rejection might play a role in a GDI's insistance that she will not go Greek. I know that's exactly why I wouldn't go. I was afraid that they wouldn't want me. It is a risk, rushing, laying your neck out, and if you're not big on self-confidence, it can be hard. A lot of girls have major self-esteem problems and it'll take a lot to get them to take that risk. That's where good RC's come in, I guess. Just my two cents.