equeen -
Actually it really is 100% mutual choice - if the potential member chooses sorority XXX and sorority XXX chooses the potential member, that's all there is to it. When a chapter member tells a Rushee "I don't know why you didn't get a bid from our chapter, you were on our #1 list!" she's lying. If the rushee had been on their list, she would have gotten a bid from that chapter. Not only that, only the membership advisor and membership chair make up those lists and they are kept strictly confidential. The general chapter has no idea who was on the #1, #2 or #3 lists.
Not every girl gets their first choice, it's true. And many will be disappointed but I strongly encourage any young woman that has received a bid from her 2nd or 3rd choice to go ahead and accept the bid. If it really doesn't work out she can drop and wait a year to Rush again. If she doesn't accept the bid, she still has to wait a year. At least if she accepts the bid, she has an opportunity to really find out what that chapter is about. More often than not, the rushee finds out that her 2nd or 3rd choice really was the right chapter for her and is completely happy.
I'm living proof of that and make no effort to hide the fact that ZTA was my 3rd choice. I know now that had I gotten my first or second choices I would have not been happy because I was choosing them because I wanted to be like them. ZTA was more like me already and welcomed me as warmly as if I had listed them as #1. I was on their #1 list - seems they knew what was best for me from the start!
An intential single preference ('suicide') is a risky tactic. Please check the thread "can you outsmart rush" for my thoughts on that matter.
Take care,
Barbara
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