CarolinaDG and some of you ladies in general,
Actually there are guys that for various reasons are not into one night stands . . . although a lot that say they are not into them . . . don't really seem to have the option anyway . . . I'll have to think about that.
Having sex with a girl that is unconscious from alcohol (or anything else) is rape, and sounds about as much fun as having sex with a corpse. Although I can remember a couple ladies that seemed to think that not moving very much during sex-play was endearing . . . but I digress.
Giving a girl drinks for sex, or a hook-up or just a fun night is not actually a bad thing per se, its more an understanding of the social role of drinking.
When we studied drinking from a psychological and anthropological perspective we discovered some strange things.
Alcohol and many drugs allow changes in our social behavior that is not consistent with the effects of the drug on our bodies.
Alcohol is essentially a central nervous system depressant. Go drink at night in a darkened room with no TV or other stimulation and you will find yourself rapidly getting tired. Which is another reason that people that are not heavily into the social outlet of alcohol will often just get tired at parties.
However, socially we are taught to act differently when we drink. And the amount we drink allows greater leeway in our behavior. How many of our friends have said: I was soo drunk or else I would never have done that?
And in reality its very rare that we are so drunk we have no idea what we are doing. That is usually at the point we are passing out. Also, most people that are denying memory of an event are lying. You have to be on the verge of blanking out not to remember something and even then you should have flashes.
Anthropologically, alcohol and other drugs allow a social safety valve where we can engage in less accepted bahaviors and have a handy excuse. Flashing people in the quad at noon gives you a bad reputation. Flashing someone while drunk at a party gives you a never ending invitation to other parties. Then we can deny remembering it later and all our friends can laugh about it and let it go.
In other cultures other behaviors become acceptable . . . in one culture a certain amount of violence is acceptable. So the scientist there was treated toa drunk tribesman chasing the other tribespeople down the path with a machete . .. when the machete wielding inebriant came across the scared scientist he actually gave him a lot of room and nodded courteously!
You see, in that culture, it was permissable to chase the other villagers with a machete while drunk, but not acceptable to attack the white scientist . . .
There are reams of other studies out there. . .
SO! Many times when people are feeding each other drinks its in an attempt to free up as much fun-but-socially-frowned-on-behavior as possible versus any sinister plot.
Quote:
Originally posted by CarolinaDG
Hon, that's a TOTAL guy response! I mean, yeah, of course, guy's don't mind one night stands... they get to brag about it to all their friends afterwards (just like the Pike's just demonstrated). But, to girls, it's forbidden. It's one of those things that, even if a girl only has ONE one-night stand, she's looked down upon as a "slut." And I hate, hate, HATE when guys get girls drunk on PURPOSE to have her sleep with them.
I honestly don't see anything wrong with casual sex... for people who agree both ways that they want it. It's not something that I want to go around just doing, like it's nothing, but if you want to, that's your business. I've only been in love once, and we didn't have sex. Not because we were both virgins, waiting until marriage, but because we loved each other so much that sex wasn't one of our top priorities... stuff like getting to know each other, meeting each other's parents, and going out on actual dates were. I think if we hadn't broken up when we did, eventually we would have had sex, but we just had so many things that we wanted to do, first.
Call me a hopeless romantic, but I don't want the next time I have sex to be this drunken f***, rather a great experience with someone that I really care about, who I know will call me the next day, and who I know everything will be all right afterwards.
Here's my other thing:
I really don't want to sound like I have a big head or anything, but I AM good-looking. I go into bars, and I turn heads. So many people get mad at me because I don't have a boyfriend (and complain about not having a boyfriend), yet I have offers all of the time. But, this isn't necessarily a good thing. I get hit on... a LOT. I was set up to my formal with a Catholic virgin because I told people that for once I wanted a date who wasn't gonna pull the whole "I want you bad, baby" lines. My semi-formal date told a bunch of the guys who went with us that he WAS going to hook up with me by the end of the night. I get sick of being treated like crap. And, honestly, do guys think they're gonna get ANYWHERE by hanging out of a car window and yelling at me? Please!!
I've had guy friends (non-greeks) tell me that I need to just stop dating fraternity guys. Unfortunately, fraternity guys are very much my type. I love croakie- and Reef-wearing, beer out of koozi-drinking, long, dark-haired guys. And I love the guys who go for me: A girl who shows up to Carolina Cup or a football game in my tube dress and J. Crew sunglasses, but can kick butt on a tug-of-rope team or building houses for Habitat for Humanity and raising money for the blind.
I swear, I'm not a prude by any means. I go out, have drinks, and date a lot. But I also have high standards. And, to me, high standards isn't sleeping with the first guy who gets me drunk in a bar. The thing is, anyone can get a girl drunk and sleep with her, but it takes a real man to get a woman into bed by using his personality, looks, and charm.
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