Quote:
Originally Posted by Sigmapsimom
Don't assume that we moms are not "doing our jobs." I have been on the phone with my daughter for hours today talking and texting. I encouraged her to go to the parties today, which she did. We've had the life isn't fair discussion - talked about sisterhood. We have discussed pros/cons, scenarios, what ifs - you name it. I've been honest with her and told her it is unlikely she will get in a sorority if she doesn't do this. I can't tell her to rank them. That's entirely her decision. Mine is only to advise.
Don't discount their feelings and make comments they should be grateful. They're 18 year old girls who had certain dreams of sorority life and they are mourning those dreams and that's ok. As someone said earlier, "Cry, eat chocolate, cry some more." It's up to them and only them to decide if they want to try it out or not. By no means, should anyone feel that they have to accept a bid just because it's the only option, even if it doesn't feel right to them. I think those not connected to IU do not understand the house culture of Greek Life. You don't know what it's like to be on a campus with many Greeks and GDI's alike putting down these 2 sororities. You are a second class citizen. It's incredibly unfair and some of it is false, but let's face it the opinions and acceptance of our peers at that age is incredibly important. And one last thing, even if she did rank them there is still no guarantee of a bid. That is the last thing she needs is to be rejected yet again. No idea what to expect from them.
How do you answer this question sent to me today by my daughter as a text?
"Mom, I'm not strange. I'm not mean. I'm involved. I like the same things. I am girly and classy and fun. I take care of myself and I pride myself in looking good. I know I would be a great fit in several of the houses. I just don't know what else I could have done. It's all I saw in my college vision since forever" And let's face it, this is happening to many. many girls, not just mine.
Please don't dismiss what these girls are going through. I think the biggest piece of the puzzle here is they all know the system is set up for many to fail and it seems so arbitrary, but they just don't think it's going to happen to them and when it does it's devastating. They hear stories about how you have to "game the system" but they don't know how to do that.
I already apologized for wrongly using the word "club" but feel free to keep throwing that around.
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I just saw your post about your daughter going to the last party and making a go at it. Good job.
None of us dismiss the feelings of hurt that PNMs feel in this process, but we also know that for many people the issue is that they feel "too good" for the groups they have left. If you start looking at some of the posts in this thread wondering how groups could reject this PNM or that PNM, it comes down to a value judgement that the women in the unhoused groups are somehow "less than." There are many reasons why women are released and don't make the cut. Is it fair? I don't know. Is it fair to say a PNM is any more worthy than the chapters she thinks she's too good for? They may not be the ones she had her heart set on, but honestly they may be the ones best suited for her in the end. There are many parents that honestly can't step away from the friend and commiserator role long enough to be the voice of reason for their daughters.
I am very glad you were able to play that role for your daughter. I hope it all works out for her. IU is brutal. There is no doubt about it. Please don't take my last post as an indictment of you as a parent but as a suggestion for the situation. Like I said, if these women with only unhoused groups left on their list want to be Greek, this is their only chance. It's time to make lemonade out of lemons. Having a mom who can put that into perspective is a real gift.