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Originally Posted by iamamom
Hi all! I've been reading through the threads and it's been quite an eye opener.
I was not in a sorority so I really have no advice to give my d, though h was in a fraternity. She is contemplating Auburn, has been accepted, deposited, toured and it is a top choice.
She has thought she might want to be in a sorority but really doesn't know much beyond movies, to her sororities are like the beginning of Legally Blonde. However, she has a boyfriend and other people in her life who are making her think sororities are just sleazy, drunk girls or the place where the mean girls find their new homes in college.
My advice to her since you are recruited before you even start college is to just go and see what you think. She and I don't know anything about anything about this southern SEC sorority life. I couldn't begin to tell you which are which as we are from the mid-atlantic and this stuff just doesn't exist here. She won't know a soul, and I think having a group of women to bond with right away could really make a great transition into college life.
However, I just made a quick spreadsheet of all the sororities and have started asking our friends and relatives if they were in sororities. All of them who were would instantly say they'd love to write her a rec. None of my sisters were in one and my husbands two sisters were in sororities that aren't at that school. I have 6 so far and I just started looking last week. Now how hard some of them will be to find I have no idea. Does it matter who the rec is from? Will they look into who wrote the rec - meaning how successful they are as adults or involved in their alumnae chapter?
I have no idea how you know if someone even is a good candidate. She has a 3.8 gpa, captain of her sailing team, leadership positions in her key club and fbla. She's traveled quite a bit with charity organizations. Of course all moms think their girls are beautiful and I'm no different. She's petite, blonde, funny and very sweet. But she doesn't have that thing - you know some girls are just very savvy, sophisticated, can work a room and have an eye on the future. She's not that. She's just a nice girl and a good friend. I joke that she could be on a show on the Disney channel, just a wholesome fun loving girl. One thing she loved about Auburn was the spirit.
I thought the best tactic for us to take since she has until next summer to decide is to just continue asking people we know if they were in sororities and if they'd write her a rec.
I know there are the outfits to consider that we'd deal with next summer. Even though my sister works for Lily Pulitzer, my d really doesn't care for that style clothes. Sis is convinced its mandatory in the south to wear your Lily and pearls, but that just isn't d.
I figure if I play this low key, get the recs, help her get the outfits, if she doesn't get nervous and goes in unaware of the hype of tiered houses, who went where for camp, she could actually find her people and not be concerned with which house.
I read the Auburn website where they talked about really only 5% of girls end up with no bid, which doesn't count the ones who drop out during the process. Is that a large amount? D isn't weird or awkward, was homecoming princess this year if that says anything.
Is there anything else you'd be doing to prep that wouldn't make her too nervous?
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I'm not going to presume to know what interest your daughter actually has in going Greek, but from your post, it sounds like you're way more interested in this than her. Of course, all of us here understand that being Greek is a great way to meet new people, but you have to trust that your daughter will be able to do that on her own.
And as hard as you try, you can't protect her forever from the harsh realities of Greek life (or life in general). You can pretend that "tiers" don't matter, and that girls won't gossip, and that it's all just puppies and rainbows, but it's not.
Definitely help your daughter, but don't push her into something that she may not want. And don't try to shield her from all the "scary" stuff about sorority recruitment. In my opinion, going in knowing what to expect would be better than thinking it's all a perfect, happy experience for everyone.
ETA: I didn't intend for all of that to sound mean.. I just wouldn't want your daughter to go in with unrealistic expectations.
Good luck to her should she decide to go through recruitment!
