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AXiDTrish, my heart goes out to you in this "detour" of your dreams for your baby. I agree with the above posters that there is now nothing more important than focusing on your family. Let someone else in the chapter pick up the slack as you wean yourself away from that position. My son was born normal, but developed autism at one year old after allergic reactions to the vaccinations being administered all at once, and, at the time, they contained thimerosol, which is a mercury deriviatve, which his body couldn't expel. Interestingly enough, the drug companies have since removed the thimerosol from the vaccines, yet claim that it had nothing to do with the rise in the rate of autism diagnoses. He lost all speech sounds, eye contact, his personality; almost like his very soul was stolen from us. We, like you, immersed ourselves in intensive speech, occupational, and socially adaptive therapies. We didn't have time to grieve the loss of our dreams of what he might have been because we had work to do. I found that to be the hardest part. At any rate, he's now 15 and has made great improvements, but will never be normal. We have him on a career track at school in lieu (sp?) of a regular high school diploma, and hope he will be able to learn a trade. The best encouragement I can give you is to celebrate even her smallest accomplishments. One day you'll look back and think, "I never thought she would ever be able to do that!" I have photos of him as an infant before the light went out of his eyes and can't allow myself to look at those anymore. Again, hang in there and take one baby step at a time. I know my situation is not the same as yours, but I know how it feels to have a child with a disability. Good Luck and please accept my love and empathy for you. PM me if you ever need to vent or just talk.
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