[ALynnJ]

So this morning I got dropped by Daisy and invited back to Tulip. I was so upset. And unfortunately I went back to Tulip the first round, I wanted to have a break first to think it over and calm down enough so I wouldn't go in there looking upset. I stood in line waiting to go in the room and I thought, "I could drop out now and go to Daffodil's recruitment next week or I could wait until next semester and hope that Daisy does spring recruitment. But I've been waiting to do this for so long that I don't want to wait another week let alone another semester and there's no guarantee that Daisy will do spring recruitment (even though a lot of them do, including Daisy last year) and besides I feel like it'd seem desperate to go back."

I went into Tulip, and at first felt a little awkward, but I had a good conversation with the my favorite girl I met during recruitment. During the ritual I thought that I could see myself here, and when we left Mandy said, "I can see you in my letters" and I hugged her goodbye and then I decided that I'd go through and pref them.

I didn't get a call from my counselor so I knew I got a bid from Tulip. Our counselors called out our names and we opened our bids in front of them and told them whether we accepted or not. I got mine and I had barely opened it before I said, "Well, I already know what it is, so yes." But right before we ran out to our new sororities I started thinking, "What did I just do? Why did I sign the bid sheet? I should have just dropped and tried for Daffodil." I also kept looking at Daisy thinking, "I wish I was going there." When I ran to my new sorority I didn't feel excited. I didn't feel anything. I wanted so hard to love them immediately and I felt so awkward at the new member meeting. I looked around and I was only attached to Mandy (the girl from pref), Laura (a girl from my recruitment group), and Samantha (the girl who sat next to me during Daisy's sisterhood round). I liked my temporary big (I don't know what to call them without giving the sorority's name away), but I feel like she could tell I was "meh" about it.

I'm so upset that I wasn't immediately comfortable. I'm giving them a chance, but I don't know yet. All I know is that it's either Tulip or no sorority at all, because I can't accept a bid anywhere else for another year and there is no way I'm going through the stress of formal recruitment again. And besides, what's going to change in a year that would get me invited back to other sororities? My grades were good enough to get invited back to Daisy (the reason they were so picky is because they are very strict about GPA requirements), so it's not like the reason I got cut was because of my grades and if I improve them I'd have better chances. And why would I change my looks or attitude just to get different options? I don't want to spend the rest of my college career maintaining fakeness just to get in a different sorority.

For right now I'm not going to reveal the sorority yet (sorry). But basically I just would like advice for right now. Has anyone else felt this way about your sorority? Everyone seemed so excited, the new members and the sisters and I was just... there are no words. Maybe I just need to sleep on it.