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I just got done with second round. I got invited back to two, Daisy and Tulip.
I liked Daisy so much more today. They were very excited which made me excited. I thought I had good conversations with the girls. I love their philanthropy and we would talk about it then relate it back to our own lives. But, what concerned me was that I talked to the same exact girls, and other girls said that they talked to completely different girls. When I asked my counselor about how they vote she said that with each round you talk to more and more girls who vouch for you and I said I only talked to the same girls and she said that wasn't supposed to happen (even though it does). I don't want to admit that I love them because the last time I did that I got cut from the ones I loved, but I want to be a Daisy. I left the room with goosebumps and wanted to cry because I'm terrified they'll cut me, especially because I heard they're picky, a lot of girls in my group liked them but got cut from them after first round.
I didn't like Tulip today. The entire time we were watching their philanthropy video I was thinking, "I don't belong here," and praying, "God, please let me get invited back to Daisy." I was also paired with another PNM and all of the girls we talked to focused most of their attention on her. I tried to seem like I was interested so I could get invited back, but it was hard. After this round I was disappointed that I didn't like them. I wanted to like them to keep my options open, but I don't know if I belong there.
When we voted, I accepted them both. But I came to a decision: If I don't get invited back to Daisy, I'm giving Tulip one more chance and if I don't like them again, I'm dropping and if I get invited back to Daisy the next two rounds, I'm suiciding them (even though it's kind of dumb to do so). If I don't get a bid at all, I'll try for Daffodil and will hopefully do well there.
But, again, I am absolutely terrified.
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