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Thank you all for the kind words - I'm so glad I kept a little diary in my calendar and saved it all these years. It's really helped with the details.
So - I got ready and headed down to meet with our groups for 4 party day. I waited until the last minute because I was afraid someone would ask me which 4 houses I was going to - and I only had 3. When I got downstairs, however, there were a lot of red eyes, a lot of sniffling, and some missing faces. There were also some jubilant smiling girls, but it seemed like the majority of the girls I'd gotten to know or that I'd seen every day looked a bit shellshocked.
From the whispered comments, I learned that grade cuts had been pretty severe and that many girls had dropped out. Ahh, now I could understand what had happened to me a little better. I'd only managed a 2.75 my senior year during the divorce, after a lifetime of As and Bs. No wonder I'd been cut so heavily. I also learned that "Amy" from my doorm floor had been cut from Cersei and she had decided to drop out of rush and that the girl who kept stalking Sansa during Open House had been dropped from all the houses and was not asked back to any for 4 party day. I felt a little better, but still wondered if there was any point in going through the rest of the charade. I hadn't been wanted at Jaime Lannister, where all my good friends were. That fact played over and over in my mind, like a hot little blister, and hurt each time. I tried to make my internal voice shut up by thinking of how much I liked Catelyn and Arya. But I still felt like a loser.
After a brief pep talk, our Rho Chis released us to head to our parties. I had chosen what I thought was a gorgeous turquoise dress. It looked like a raw silk but had some shine to it. I had borrowed some matching turquoise heels from a friend, but they were a bit too big, so I'd had to stuff the toes with tissue. In hindsight, I'm cringing looking at the pics. The dress was too tight, too short and made of some shiny man-made material that just wasn't really 1980's prep wear. All I knew was it made my eyes look very green and I thought I looked like a million bucks.
I saw "Tamara" and "Jennifer" from my dorm floor walking in the same direction. "Tamara" was also heading to Ygritte first, and "Jennifer" was walking to Jon Snow. We talked as we walked, and I gathered that they had also been cut from several of their favorite houses. "Tamara" and I said goodbye to "Jennifer" as we arrived at our first party:
Ygritte I was feeling pretty sober as I walked in, and knew I had to really reach out and get to know these girls. They offered us delicious cupcakes and we broke off into groups of 3 or 4 and just talked. Unlike the last visit, I had a very vivacious brunette girl who was great at keeping the conversation going. "Tamara" and I stuck close by each other and the more I got to know her, the more I liked her and thought she would be a great pledge sister. Ygritte had not been high on either of our lists, but we were both trying to look at them with fresh eyes. We got to tour the whole house this time, and it was really cute and well-decorated. Our hostess took us to meet the president and some of the officers, and they asked a lot of great questions and really seemed to want to get to know us better. Although this was the best party I'd had at Ygritte so far, I remember clearly looking out the window during a transition period and feeling almost detached from the process. It hurt so badly that I'd been cut from Jaime Lannister and Daenerys, that what I thought were my close friends hadn't wanted me. It all seemed very surreal at that point, and I started to wonder if I was really cut out to be in a sorority. I enjoyed the party at Ygritte, though, and could see there were many girls there who I could enjoy being around. I also saw a girl that I really liked who I'd gone to high school with. "Shelley" was my age and I hadn't known she was going through recruitment since our last names were far apart in the alphabet. She confessed to me that she loved Ygritte and was hoping to end up there, and that made me think it might be a good place for me, too.
Arya was next, and it turned out 'Tamara' from my dorm floor was heading there, too. This made me happy - I wasn't alone in my journey. It was a short walk, but my feet in their ill-fitting turquoise heels were already hurting. When we got to Arya, I was greeted by the same senior that I'd adored at the last party. Her name was "Debbie" and she hugged my shoulder warmly and told me she was so glad I'd come back. At this party, we alternated between milling around to talk and members standing up to share why they'd chosen Arya. It was very relaxed, very comfortable, and I could feel my spirits start to rise. I looked over at 'Tamara' and she had a huge smile on her face for the first time that day. 'Debbie' kept introducing me to new girls, and spoke so well of me to them that I could feel my bruised ego start to recover. Each girl I met was funny, smart, and easy to talk to. There was just something about the energy at Arya - the girls were sincerely happy and cared about each other, but had great sense of humor, too. I think there were cookies but I was having too much fun talking to the members to want to take time to eat them. It seemed everyone could be themselves there and be accepted. I felt happy for the first time that day, and I really felt that Arya would be one of my top two.
Catelyn was just a short walk from Arya, and I was glad because my feet hurt so badly. 'Tamara' split off to head to Jon Snow, and then she had Bran for her last party. I was glad to be alone so I could walk really, really slow. I thought about taking off my shoes but didn't want to run my hose. When I got to Catelyn, my friend 'Suzanne's older sister again took me by the hand and introduced me to more girls. I also saw many PNM girls that I knew from school, cheer, church, and other friends I'd made during recruitment. I relaxed immediately and really liked all the girls I met. After some tea and little sandwiches, we all sat down on an Oriental rug in the big room and listened to many members talk about what Catelyn meant to them. In between speakers, 'Suzanne's sister whispered to me that she really hoped I was having fun, that I would be an awesome sister, that all the girls really liked me and were hoping I would come back to preference. Since I'd known her so long, it didn't feel like a violation but rather a welcomed return to normal conversation. I knew I would feel at home here and that 'Suzanne' and her 2 older sisters would envelop me in their fun group, just as they had in high school. However, compared to Arya, the party just felt a little flat. While some of the girls speaking were great speakers and had interesting stories, some of them were not and spoke too long. Finally, when it was time to stand up, my leg collapsed under me and I almost fell into their big glass coffee table. My foot had fallen asleep from sitting too long! I was SO embarrassed! But the girls around me all reassured me and laughed it off. I felt like they handled it so well, and it made me feel that Catelyn would be there for me through thick and thin and that I didn't have to be 'perfect' to find a home there.
Now my parties were over and I could slink back to my dorm room before anyone noticed that I didn't have a 4th party scheduled. I quickly got out of those hurty heels and that tight shiny dress and thought about my choices. I knew that Catelyn and Arya were my top two choices from what I still had left, so that part was easy. I'm not proud of how 'glass half empty" I was feeling, but have to be honest. While I had liked Ygritte more this time than ever before, it still didn't quite feel as comfortable to me.
But what to do about ranking Catelyn and Arya? Catelyn's house was much nicer, and I already had a built-in support system with Suzanne and her two older sisters. I felt like I could be myself there, that I wouldn't have to hide being a brainiac for fear of being labeled a nerd. I had great experiences each time I went there, and had always had great conversations. I could really see myself being a Catelyn, and being happy.
I had enjoyed every Arya party from the beginning. Now, with Jaime Lannister and Daenerys removed from my options, I could finally see that I'd been ranking Arya much lower than what my true feelings indicated. I absolutely loved "Debbie" - a complete stranger that I'd just met, but felt immediately close to her. Most of the girls I'd met there had been great to talk to, and I could see they were a very close sisterhood. The only drawback was that I really didn't know anyone well there, and their house. It was very lovely on the inside with classic decorations that were quite tasteful. But the outside was very dated and just not that impressive. While I knew in my head I was judging a book by its cover, my emotions feared that others would judge me by the appearance of the house. I knew it was shallow, but that was my main concern about Arya.
When it came time to rank, I wrote down:
1. Catelyn
2. Arya
3. Ygritte
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