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I can totally understand what your going through... I am bi-polar and had a hard time dealing... so I repressed all my emotions and it only ended in self-destructive actions... you need help.. you need a therepist and medication... i know first hand how much uncomfortable it can be, but it is the only things that can truly help... the next best advice I can give you is to confide in your sisters (at least one).. this is a true test of sisterhood and if you joined for the right reasons... they will not let you fall
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