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I think calling it a "dorm shower" is what's giving off the tacky vibes. If it were called a "going away/belated graduation party" all the same things would be happening but it wouldn't be so off-putting.
At my graduation party, my favorite, most useful gift was sent from some friends of the family and was a "dorm kit" in a personalized, decorated toolbox with a glue gun, some office supplies, basic tools, batteries, a flashlight, etc inside. It came in really handy and I still use it as my actual toolbox now. It couldn't have been very expensive but it was so thoughtful and helpful.
I also love the idea of "bring something you wish you'd had freshman year"!
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