I was still a little nervous, but I gradually became more excited as the day went on. After walking to the gathering area and picking up my schedule for the evening, I received quite a shock.
Summer Cottage
Just the one.
I was just sitting there in shock for a few minutes, wondering what on earth I did wrong. I had a strong GPA. I knew I was awkward, but I didn't think I was that awkward. At the time, as silly as it sounds, it did feel like a personal blow. I felt a little betrayed by the women in other chapters who I thought I'd at least had a tolerable working relationship with; I second-guessed how they felt about me and if everything was just to get my hopes up during recruitment.
(Looking back, I would probably imagine my awkwardness / lack of connections with a larger number of women sunk me. I really wish I had attended more recruitment events - but because I registered for recruitment so late in the game, I had no ideas about attending those fall events and meeting a wide range of women.)
In a room full of women screaming about getting their top three and without a recruitment counselor nearby, I just felt awful. Naturally, my first inclination was to get away from everyone and think. Would I leave now? Was I willing to risk having this happen tomorrow night? Why was I here? There would be time to think about what I did wrong; I didn't need to get upset by thinking about the past at this point.
After a few minutes, I just decided to go and see what would happen. I'd already paid my fees to go through this process. I was already here; I'd just have to walk across campus again if I withdrew. I had an interest in one chapter that was clearly wanting to get to know me as well. It was not a horrible position, though it was by no means the ideal. I walked out, got into line, and acted as if nothing was wrong & I was meant to be there the whole time.
(Also looking back: The one piece of advice that I would offer to women in this situation is this. YOU ONLY NEED ONE BID. Just one. No matter how many chapters you start with, no matter if you have the maximum number of chapters for each round, you will only go home to one chapter. I found this on Greekchat a looong time ago, but it offered me so much comfort - even though I found it after I became a member and was going through recruitment on the other side, belated is better than never.)
Summer Cottage - However much I tried to keep it out of my mind, I was still a little dazed. I was paired with a sophomore woman who'd gone through recruitment last year. We had a pleasant conversation while watching a slideshow, which highlighted sisterhood activities, a couple of interviews with members about what their chapter meant to them, and some photos of sisters in the chapter who had travelled abroad. Those were some REALLY cool photos - ie, sisters in front of Stonehenge, the Eiffel Tower, the Taj Mahal, and other well-known sites doing their hand sign and wearing their letters. As someone who came to this school in order to study abroad, I loved seeing those photos! In addition, hearing about their initiatives to keep in contact with abroad sisters was touching and helped illustrate their sisterhood in a way that really resonated with me.
After the slideshow, we headed downstairs to watch some hilarious skits and enjoy warm cookies and hot chocolate! (Considering the cold in early February, this was AMAZING.) About 40 minutes in, the skits ended and we broke up into small groups for conversation with other sisters, including the women in the skits. I felt relaxed, though I was still very nervous in group conversations. We were really scrunched in together, making it hard to not elbow someone at times.
At the end of the night, I had a generally positive experience and felt more comfortable with the chapter as a whole. I still had some doubts and the option of not going Greek was still present, but my curiosity and good vibes from that night outweighed them. I decided that I'd see what happened with
Summer Cottage tomorrow night, if they invited me back.
Also, after a long conversation with my mother and my recruitment counselor later that evening, they helped me to deal with my emotions in a productive manner and explained that it wasn't a personal betrayal. Things happen, essentially. My counselor also encouraged me to at least reach out and try to maintain my friendships in other organizations, noting that different letters don't necessarily equal the inability to be friends - and sharing letters don't guarantee friendship, for that matter!