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Immediately after being released, I knew that I wanted to try again. My Gamma Chi had told us her recruitment experience: that she had rushed as a freshman and been released from all 17 chapters after round one and then rushed successfully as a sophomore. I took it as a sign and it made me hopeful.
A month or so into the semester, I ran into a girl from my Gamma Chi group who I'd kept in touch with. She had gone Tory. She said that she had been meaning to talk to me because total had recently been raised and Tory was looking to add about 14 new girls to their fall pledge class. She asked if I wanted her to put my name in the mix and I told her absolutely. We exchanged info and she invited me to Tory's event that week that supported their philanthropy (I can't say what or it'll give them away). I told her I'd be there.
I went to the event with another girl from my Gamma Chi group, a sophomore who had been released. I knew that some of the Tory girls would most likely be checking me out, so I made sure I looked cute. The event was really fun and I met a few more girls in the Tory pledge class. For the next week, I waited anxiously to be contacted by someone from Tory, but I never was. When I saw the girl who invited me a couple of weeks later, she seemed awkward and I sensed a bit of pity from her. I knew I hadn't been picked.
What was wrong with me? At this point I knew I hadn't gotten the recs I needed during formal, but surely I must have done something else wrong. I obsessed over my faults. Was I not pretty enough? Did I dress poorly or too plainly? Was it my attitude? How did I come off to others? I knew it couldn't be my GPA, but maybe I wasn't involved enough in high school. I scrutinized myself constantly, wondering what it could have been. I poured over greek chat on a daily basis, informing myself about rush as a sophomore and spring recruitment opportunities. I was too stubborn to let it go. I was determined. I was going to go greek.
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