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I am sorry for your daughter's disappointment, as well as yours. It's painful and there is no getting around that. Most of the PNMs I do recommendations for go through recruitment at the super-competitive SEC schools. We see this happen a good bit and I think it's related to record numbers of PNMs going through recruitment these days -- I really think there was a Baby Boom in the '90's! A couple of years ago, word on the street was that there were enough legacies to one Ole Miss chapter to actually fill a pledge class at least two times over.
You mentioned that your daughter can present as quiet and shy. That can make for a rockier recruitment, which I have seen happen to more than a few really stellar girls trying to navigate through big, busy and loud recruitments. They do, however, often connect and shine better at COB events.
That said, I would encourage that your daughter take part in UNC's (great school, by the way!) spring recruitment. It may be just the atmosphere for her to get to know the participating chapters better. She may just find that a chapter she "liked" ends up being one she loves. That is not unusual at all! Best wishes to her!
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