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Originally Posted by Bamajama
My daughter went through rush at Alabama and loved every minute. She pledged what I guess is considered an old row sorority. One that is very strong in the south and we thought was strong at Alabama. She has met some nice girls and is liking it but there are some really out of control girls and she doesn't enjoy going to parties or anywhere these girls are. They are obnoxious and embarrassing. I feel so bad because she feels like she made a mistake in her choice. I'm a little upset that the sorority allowed these young ladies in to begin with. I know it's college but I think the girls should be held to a higher standard. When they have girls obnoxiously drunk, cursing, rude to others,sleeping around....it's unacceptable. I wasn't in a sorority but was under the impression that the sororities were very picky about the kinds of girls they let in.
I'm wondering if possibly these girls made it in because of the maximizing your options? From what I understand if a girl listed all her pref parties on her last day they were guaranteed a bid. Were sororities forced to take girls that were on the bottom of their list? Personally I don't even know why they had these girls at pref. I've heard that some of the sororities lost their top choice to other sororities and had to do snap bids. I'm not sure I understand what a snap bid is but it doesn't sound good.
Are the sororities required to take a certain number of girls? It seems like the majority of the girls are great but theres a couple dozen girls that dont seem to fit in or want to fit in. Its almost as if they had to take these girls just to fill some qouta. These girls are giving the rest of the sorority a bad reputation. I wish rush was later so that the girls could get to know the sororities better and the sororities could get to know the girls. Do the sororities ever kick girls out for bad behavior at parties and on campus?
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The girls who are cursing, sleeping around, partying, etc, were probably not "last resort" option for the sororities; It is very likely that they were right there on the first bid list.
There are many girls who are sweet, do well academically and socially, and put on a good appearance, but go wild in college, especially freshman year. The pressure of being so "perfect" all the time and finally being away from home does that to a lot of people, especially girls, both in and out of greek life. There are also girls who are wild, but keep it under wraps depending on their social situation, meaning it wasn't evident during rush. In the next few months and years, most of these girls will calm down. They'll realize that they don't want to flunk their classes, don't want to always be dealing with drama, and don't want to be thought of as a "frat potato." If your daughter isn't into this scene, I promise that in huge houses like those at Alabama, there are plenty girls who aren't into that behavior at all.
I would encourage her to only act the way SHE sees best, and to avoid putting herself in situations and around people that make her uncomfortable, but don't discount these girls. Rather, give them time. She'll figure out eventually which girls are just nice girls letting loose, and which ones may actually be getting themselves into trouble in the long run. Some of the girls that may go crazy at a social event could be just fine to hang out with and talk to away from party life, and may come to be really loyal friends that need to mature. Until then, she should spend her time with those who behave similarly to her, but still be friendly to others.
As for if sororities kick girls out, most, if not all, sororities have a standards board. There are ways of reporting girls for bad behavior, and an elected judicial board will usually have a hearing to decide what consequences should be given, if any. If a girl is continuously behaving badly (and I mean serious things), they could very well get kicked out, but usually a warning run-in with standards is enough to let a girl know when she needs to tone it down.
These girls are mostly 17, 18 and 19. They'll grow up and figure out how to act. You're lucky it seems your daughter already has.