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I don't have a lot to add since I don't have a legacy, but you seem pretty reasonable and I'm confident that once the sting wears off, you'll enjoy having a daughter who's an AOII. For the very simple fact that looking for panda stuff is going to be really fun.
Don't compare your daughter and the other women you wrote recs for - sometimes it's less about resumes and more about "fit." I doubt they're punishing you, though - you have to remember that these women are 18-23, and probably have no idea about your level of involvement with your group.
I'd take some time to think about things, and maybe get back involved with your organization through alumnae groups after a while. Maybe watching your daughter connect with her own organization will inspire you to reconnect. Maybe it won't. But best of luck to her as she gets to know a fabulous organization!
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