Quote:
Originally Posted by KSig RC
Unfortunately, everything we know about psychology says this isn't really true. After all, nobody enjoys getting their ass beat, right?
The victim may fear for his/her life if they leave (believing the abuser will track him/her down and commit literal murder), or may lack the emotional stability or tools to fight back (in a figurative sense), or may rely upon the abuser for livelihood/sustenance, or etc.
Abusive relationships don't just happen - it's a process that ends with the victim in a more or less powerless (or severely underpowered) situation. Because that imbalance is often severe, the victim can't make a decision - often they lack the ability to make a decision. The tools simply don't exist - it would be like me telling you to make a decision to build the tallest building in the state of Oregon.
That's also why it's less than helpful for others to say "I would never find/allow myself in that situation" - it's an implicit blaming of the victim, as if the victim were weak or otherwise flawed simply for being the victim. It reinforces existing anti-female notions pervasive in society - why did she wear that skirt? Why did she talk back? Why didn't she walk out that door?
It's nothing more than a repackaged version of slut shaming, repurposed for grown-ups but no more valid.
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Nobody should enjoy an ass kicking, but their are some folks where that's all they know. I'm talking about folks who know that shit is foul as hell. I grew up in it, and to me it was like coming home from school seeing and dealing with the same shit. Same shit different day, same dumbass mofo (my pops). I didn't like it, and sicne my mom wouldn't change it, I knew I had to. I'm not disagreeing with 100% of what you said, I feel you with most of it. But there are some folks who would bounce, and some folks who wouldn't. I feel you on what you said about the person's emotions as far as not being able to make a decision or let alone, a wise one. That's why I was saying it depends on what kind of abuse it is, situation (kids, money, etc.) and the individual person.
I wouldn't compare it to "slut bashing" just because a female decides to wear a short skirt or tight ass pants. She can wear what she wants to wear. Folks can't make her wear what they think it appropriate, just like somebody who is being abusive and whoopin her ass can't make her stay. She decides that. Folks want to know "why" about a lot of shit. Folks make decisions whether they're smart decisions or fucked up decisions that might make sense to them, but not somebody else. The questions is still going to be asked. We all do that shit. Some folks ask the question of why somebody did what they did, and then wouldn't follow what they say they would do in any given situation. Then you have those folks who would do exactly what they said they would do. I've seen it. If it was a female fearing for her life, either way, staying isn't going to make things any better. With the emotional shit, yeah, some folks are mentally unstable, so I understand that. But for the folks who are mentally aware enough to bounce don't have anybody to blame if they've made the choice to stay in it.