Quote:
Originally Posted by I2K Beta Mu
If somebody is getting their ass beat, that's one thing, but if they stay, that's their decision.
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Unfortunately, everything we know about psychology says this isn't really true. After all, nobody
enjoys getting their ass beat, right?
The victim may fear for his/her life if they leave (believing the abuser will track him/her down and commit literal murder), or may lack the emotional stability or tools to fight back (in a figurative sense), or may rely upon the abuser for livelihood/sustenance, or etc.
Abusive relationships don't just happen - it's a process that ends with the victim in a more or less powerless (or severely underpowered) situation. Because that imbalance is often severe, the victim can't make a decision - often they lack the ability to make a decision. The tools simply don't exist - it would be like me telling you to make a decision to build the tallest building in the state of Oregon.
That's also why it's less than helpful for others to say "I would never find/allow myself in that situation" - it's an implicit blaming of the victim, as if the victim were weak or otherwise flawed simply for being the victim. It reinforces existing anti-female notions pervasive in society - why did she wear that skirt? Why did she talk back? Why didn't she walk out that door?
It's nothing more than a repackaged version of slut shaming, repurposed for grown-ups but no more valid.