Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek
For me, family is very, very important. I won't commit to a man whose family doesn't like me. I also won't get involved with a man who my family doesn't like or who doesn't like my family. Family background is also important to me. If he comes from a dysfunctional family background or a family background that doesn't line up with or match mine, then we don't have that part in common, and if we don't have that part in common, then I'm not going to get involved with him.
To each its own, it's just that for me, a man's family reveals a lot about him. This is why I take note and decide whether I want my future with the man in my life to look like his present family situation. If I see bitterness and hostility between him and his parents or siblings, then I'm going to count on seeing it between the two of us in marriage. His relationship with his mom and his parents relationship with each other are also very important to me, because (to me) this is a preview of how he will treat me. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don't like women, yet say they do. I just believe that unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife. To me, based on my own experiences, every person functions according to what he was taught and what he witnessed from the day he was born. If my family relations, and experiences are vastly different from his, I just think it will be difficult to correspond on the same platform and the quality of both my life and his could be impacted because of it.
You (in general) may not have to live with your partner's family, but never be deceived into thinking that familial habits don't come to live at your (in general) house and affect your (in general) life directly because they most certainly do. I just think that where a man comes from has a lot to do with how he will function in relationships. But like I said, to each its own.
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CG,
You've said a mouthful here, some of which I buy, other parts not so much.
I think families, and to a lesser extent friends (answering the thread question) are a matter of boundaries-- established and respected.
Every family has a mixture of good and bad apples, so I'm not thrown off by that. I try to observe my mate on this. I look to see how she handles "situations." How is her interaction with both the good and bad apples. Does she know how/when to handle them? Is she open to her own family members' strengths and faults. If so, then I think things can go well.
I realize we are all, to some degree, the product of our environments, but I don't take that as some immutable rule. Everyone has the ability to individually change, to break cycles of all sorts. I'd never reject someone out of hand because of their family situation. I'd watch her both in/out of that situation and make my call from that.
I generally get along (with family members and friends) and take people as I find them, because I want that in return. But as long as the relationship's boudaries are respected--by parents, siblings, friends, etc... then most situations should be relatively easily handled by mature people.