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'Frat Guy' divulges fraternity myths, addresses stereotypes:
I'm a Frat Guy. I live in a Frat House.I go to Frat Parties. I fight. I especially like to fight independents. I think that if independents were cool, they would have pledged a frat in the first place. I know that independents are jealous of my social life. I believe that I am more fun and am a harder partier than any GDI (God Damn Independent). I am exclusive because I hate you. I don't go to classes. I spend my afternoons at BodyWorks. I buy my friends. I joined a frat to feel accepted. I couldn't make friends when I got to college, so I paid for them instead. I give more than $1,000 of my parents' money in social dues each year to promote my frat's alcoholism problem. I drink because I am cool. I drink a lot because I am cooler than you.
I haze my pledges. I make them eat sticks of butter. I make them drink soy sauce. I make them clean my house naked. I make them wear women's panties. I emotionally scar them for life. I abuse them physically until they cry for mercy. I then call them wimps. I later call them my brothers if they don't de-pledge along the way. I am not an individual. I mimic the actions of my frat brothers. I drive a sport utility vehicle. I wear brown Timberlands.
I will never commit to just one girl. I don't wear condoms because it doesn't feel as good. I believe that a girl gives up her right to say "no" if she is in my frat house after 1:30 a.m. I am shady.
I have no independent thought. I dress just like my frat brothers. I act just like my frat brothers. I talk just like my frat brothers. I strut just like my frat brothers.
I never study. I devise elaborate schemes to cheat on my exams. I don't buy books. I have a low GPA. I am thankful that my frat buddies will get me a job after graduation because I know that I can't get one on my own. I show up drunk for interviews.
I wear my letters. I billboard my frat on sweatshirts with huge Greek letter symbols. All of my T-shirts are frat party T-shirts. I own many plaid button-downs. I own one baseball hat. I live in my khakis. I wear beer goggles on weekends.
"I drink because I am cool. I drink a lot because I am cooler than you." My frat letters are license to be a jerk. I am loud and obnoxious wherever I go in public. I am twice as obnoxious one-on-one.
I live in filth. I enjoy the smell of old-beer-in-carpet. I prefer a dingy frat house to a clean apartment. I think living among rodents builds character. I leave the seat up. I can't clean up after myself. I rarely change my underwear.
I am a player. I don't care about what girls have to say. I only care about me. I will say anything to get a girl in bed. I will say even more to get a freshman girl in bed because I know she'll believe me.
I serve alcohol to minors. I urinate in public. I do keg stands. I play beer pong. I own a beer funnel. I don't binge drink -- I continually drink.
I am everything wrong with America.
I'm a Frat Guy.
*This one I thought had even more funny examples. Last year I lived with 2 guys and all of their friends were in fraternities and were always over. I copied this poem and had it posted on the living room wall all year and they loved it and laughed at it all the time because it IS funny and in a way it makes sense. They would high light parts that were in a way true*
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