[librasoul22]

Originally posted by Shelacious
Is there any wonder we are in a quandry regarding relationships? In reading both this thread as well as the other started by Aspire, this is what I see. You may not agree with any of this, I don’t even agree with all of it myself per se, but it’s simply food for thought:

-Very few people seem to have a clear understanding of what constitutes a successful relationship. Is the most important aspect love, respect, commonality, understanding? Do all these elements have to be place or best of two out of three? What is love, anyway? Do we overestimate its power and its place in a life-long relationship?

-Men and women appear to have both been painted into major corners that prohibit the nature progression of relationships. Men expect women to bring their “A” game, including all the things listed by Aspire PLUS sex and intimacy. Women expect men to bring THEIR “A” game, including the highest earning potential they can muster. None of us can possibly ever bring our “A” game, however, because we are all a work in progress. We can only bring the best game we have at the time. Have we been too influenced by the videos, novels, movies and television, which tell us the ideal relationship, and really the only one worth having, must include the perfect balance of the mind, body and soul? That if a person brings baggage, issues, personality flaws in a relationship that it’s best to keep searching, because there’s someone out there for us who has almost everything we’re looking for? Influenced by those who tell us that if we no longer love our mate and/or if we are no longer “happy,” then that signals the end of the relationship?

-The expectation and inclusion of sex has created an unfair balance in relationships. Used to be, a guy respected a woman for not “giving in.” He in fact only wanted to marry a woman who was reluctant to “give in.” While that may still be the case to some extent, most guys in “my” unscientific field poll did NOT think they would be willing to wait to be married to have sex with a woman they thought was “the one.” Generally it seems that women have accepted this fact. It used to be that guys were willing to wait for the “good girl” because there was a clear line between “bad girls” and “good girls.” That line is no longer so clear. There are plenty of shrill, nagging, unsupportive women who are celibate (either have always been or are now) and a bunch of top-self quality women a guy would take home to mamma who are not. In other words, why would they take a chance with Ms. Celibate if there are a bunch of dime pieces who bring what she does PLUS? For things to go back to the way they were in our parents’ days, the dime pieces and top-notch chicks would need to all keep their legs closed and the eyes on the prize—doesn’t look like that’s going to happen anytime soon. As the article pointed out, men have traditionally gotten married in part to guarantee instant sex on demand—remove that barrier, and what do you have…?

-We want all the I’s dotted and the T’s crossed before we “jump” into marriage. After all, isn’t that why the divorce rate is over 50%, and 25% of the rest are in terrible marriages? Or is it? Is getting to know someone for five years and living with them for two more any better a recipe for a successful union than dating someone exclusively for a year and then getting engaged? How can we ever be sure that “someone” is “THE ONE?” How can you “ever” be totally “ready” to be married, especially when we’re never really “ready” for other life-altering experiences?

-Looking for “love” in all the wrong places? Are we unsuccessful because we are barking up the wrong trees? Are the folks we are usually “attracted to” not really the folks we should be looking to for a lifelong pairing? Do we need to start looking for love in different packages than we thought they “should” come in? Do we select men/women over and over with the similar traits, that spelled disaster previously or better yet, do WE bring the same traits over and over into a relationship yet each time we expect different results?

Again, just some food for thought.

OMG...This is quite possibly the best post EVER!