[I2K Beta Mu]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

No, it is not all about chemistry. Maybe for you and others on here, but not for me. It’s just that there isn’t anything specific that you (in general) can point at to sustain it. Chemistry does not add up to long-term relationship, commitment does. If you are honest with yourself, you don’t know enough about your date to know if you like that person or not. Dating to me is just a "go see" -nothing more, nothing less. It's easy to feel chemistry early when the relationship is new. I am speaking of long-term maintenance. I just think that falling into predictable patterns and mediocrity will cause that "chemistry" you once had (or thought you had) to fizzle, big time. In other words, the two of you have to mix it up. Keep dating after the courtship has begun. I mean, the dating and romance must continue even after the connection has been solidified. Both partners must continue to grow so that you will always be discovering something new about each other. It's not just about being interested, it is also about being interesting. I just think that continuing to date the person you've connected to keeps the romance alive between a woman and a man who are in love.

I don’t care how much you have in common, how much chemistry you think you have, how many similarities you have, how much friendship is involved, how attracted you are to each other, or how well the two of you communicate, -if what you started in the beginning (that was brought on by "chemistry") is not maintained throughout the relationship, the entire foundation of whatever your relationship is based on will get weak, and your relationship will eventually fall apart. Time spent together intentionally should still be at the top of the priority list. I just believe that you should set aside certain times just to connect –time to get in touch and, if necessary, get reacquainted, because strangers cannot make love work. The "dating/romance" has to continue after the relationship has started. Just because you are now either dating exclusively or married does not mean this should stop. The way I see it, most of us do not give people enough time to become attractive in our eyes. To me, the most sustainable chemistry is one that builds slowly. I am in no rush to do anything when it comes to a mate/potential husband, because I don’t select a mate the way most people do. My selection process is different because my purpose for D&R is different. Like I said, to each its own.

Okay I see you. You're looking at it from more of a bigger picture. That's cool, though.

Originally Posted by 33girl

Chemistry isn't just sex, or even anything sexual. If I can't connect with a guy (or anyone) intellectually on some level, I can't spend time with them. And no, I don't mean are they as smart as me, do they have a degree blah blah blah. If I'm hanging out with someone and have to explain every joke, every reference, every reason I'm laughing, it is going to be very heavy sledding - no matter how nice or "qualified" they are or how much you "commit" to making the relationship work.

I don't think anybody is really talking about sex, but since you brought it up, for me that is apart of the chemistry. If she's all holy n shit, I can't fuck with her. I like to have sex. I don't get all into saving myself to marry and I don't want a female who's into that shit either.