[pinkyphimu]

My friend has used IVF to conceive two of her children. She had two eggs left from her last cycle..two years ago. She and her husband decided to implant them recently even knowing that the likelihood they would be viable was very low. Well, she is pregnant with twins. They knew they didn't want to donate the eggs. I know it cost them a fortune over the last 7 years to have these children. They are very happy, but it is not an easy or inexpensive road. From my understanding, the people who would be potential adopters for the eggs were couples who failed in IVF. At least with her doctor, some couple off the street couldn't walk in and request to adopt a snowflake!

As far as the adoption route, I have worked with several students who were adopted from abroad. They have what is considered institutional autism. Their upbringing in the orphanage without social contact has significantly impacted their ability to interact with others, maintain appropriate behavior (e.g. not becoming aggressive or self-injurious) when things don't go the way they want, etc., etc. And the families have suffered significantly as well. Most of the couples are divorced.

Another friend fostered a girl for over a year before she was able to adopt her. She had been told she had ADHD. Well, now that he has reached school age, she is demonstrating significant behavioral difficulties which are indicative of something more than ADHD. My friend is working with the school, the post-adoptive agency, and other resources to help her daughter. In a lot of ways, my friend is prepared to help her...a master's in severe special needs education...and over 10 years experience with children with significant behavioral needs. Not all families are that lucky!

I think there is a fairy tale ideal that most people believe will happen when you consider adoption, but that is not true.