Quote:
Originally Posted by AGDee
I used to think that way too, until I lost almost everything I had .. TWICE. My first husband was so controlling with money that I had an allowance that wasn't enough to cover my gas to get to work and home. I had no way to know he would be like that until we were married. We did what cheerfulgreek said and lived on one income, banking the other, supposedly. When I was getting ready to leave, I tried to take money out of our savings, found out there was only $3000 in there, when there should have been ten times that much AND he had never turned in the card that I signed so I wasn't on the account. I was scared to death because I was penniless without half that money (even thought it was only $3000). I needed that cash for a deposit on my apartment and the truck to move my stuff out. When he got home from work that day, I told him that I knew I wasn't on the savings and we were going the next day to put me on it or else I would leave him (which was really risky for me to do because he was getting increasingly violent). So he put my name on it and I left him with half that money.
Second marriage? He was GREAT with his money. He had saved enough for a down payment on our house, he always had money, was investing in retirement. Really managed it well. Of course, he was living at home, didn't have ANY bills at all. None. Not a single bill did he pay. Once we had a mortgage, a baby, day care costs, utility bills.. he still spent like he did when he had NO bills. And he spent ALL the cash using his debit card for everything so I'd have to charge groceries when the debit card was rejected at the grocery store. With the divorce, he got the house, I got the debt and we both lost ALL of our retirement.
I will NEVER EVER be without my own funds again. It simply won't happen, no matter how much I love him, how much I think I'd be with him forever, there is no way. NO WAY. Most divorced people pretty much feel the same way though, in my experience.
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I've lived so long (ever since I started working at 14) with my own money that I can't imagine only having shared accounts. My sister has been married three times and she had joint accounts with all husbands, she still has the same individual account that was opened for her as a child. As far as a pre-nup goes it depends on if I got married, and where I was living in regards to marriage and property. There are things I own or inherited that will stay in my family or be donated to a museum or organization and that's just the way it is.
When I was engaged we moved in together and had joint accounts to pay for household items and the wedding. This was in 2007 and Bank of America had crazy incentives so we both opened a checking and savings, then a joint checking and savings, a money market, and both got credit cards. The Alaska Airlines credit cards we got don't even exist anymore, but with all the freebies and perks it is no wonder they banking industry had problems and BofA no longer has my business. They did away with the platinum card I had and wanted me to reapply for the card that cost more with less benefits, no thanks.