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I'm going to post the pieces at a faster pace here so that if there are any women in the process now, I haven't dragged this out into a long soap opera to much!
Back to the story...
“Well it looks like my high school friends were right. Perhaps this was a bad idea." - my journal
There are fifteen sororities, and you can get invited back to as many as ten for this round. Me? I got my paperwork. Four. Four chapters. Most of the women around me had full or nearly-full schedules. And there it was. Empty spaces where parties should be.
The initial blow of only getting four invitations hurt, but was cushioned by one bright beacon of hope - Ryan. The four chapters that had invited me back included one I loved (Ryan), one I liked (Caitlyn), and two I was not thrilled about but would certainly give another shot to (Taylor and Caleb). But oh, did I love Ryan!
It was the fact that I was still invited back to Ryan that kept my spirits up.
Nonetheless, I wrote in my journal, “I’m hurt. Confused. What did I do wrong? I feel like everything happens for a reason. I just can’t stop wondering, though, why - after twenty minutes - did eleven chapters decide that they’d rather not even give me a second look?”
But nonetheless, though I only had one party the first day, it was at Ryan, and that energized me.
About Ryan, I wrote: “When I went here, I felt home. It felt right. It felt fantastic to feel wanted. The girls I met seemed to know what I’d talked about with their other sisters the day before. Either they really love me, or this is a fantastic logistical trick they have pulled. (Or both.) At this point, I’m assuming the best! I was the last girl out of the house. And this was philanthropy round, and I absolutely love the cause they support! I loved it. I was myself. And I hope, hope, hope they felt the same way.”
But after Ryan, my day was not over. Most cruel of it all was the way Panhellenic handled the “break” parties. Now, in hindsight, I completely understand why the system was arranged this way, because I suppose it would be impractical to let hundreds of women run off during their free parties, but for “break” parties, women had spend the duration of that party in a large room in a campus building near the row. Sure, there was music playing and rush counselors played games with the PNMs, but there was always an unfortunate sense that it was only where you went if you weren’t good enough for a full schedule. (Remember, this is before the new recruitment figures system that made it rare for any woman to have a full schedule.) At the time it felt awful to see women heading to their next party and instead, to be headed off the row to wait in a classroom, biding your time, spending thirty, forty, sixty, ninety minutes waiting until your “break” parties ended. I luckily had a merciful recruitment guide who dismissed me since I had three “breaks” in a row and no more parties for the day.
As I was walking out of the room, I looked around and started to recognize faces - a lot of faces. There were easily two hundred women in the room. Women I’d known through high school programs in the state, women that I knew to be fiercely intelligent, beautiful inside and out, accomplished, forces to be reckoned with, women to be admired. And here they were, in the “break” party, without a full schedule. What houses wouldn’t want these women? And after one round! But my shock and frustration was quickly overcome with thanks that I was not alone, and the realization that having a short schedule was NOT a mark against me as a woman, me as a person. Where I was or was not invited back did NOT define me or my value.
I went home for the night to my dorm to think about how much I liked Ryan, and to get a good night’s sleep before the three parties the next day...
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