I agree with you, and this is an awesome, post. It’s just that I also agree with PB, because I don’t believe dating exist for mating (and intimacy doesn’t define that in all cases), as he said earlier, it exist for getting information. Kind of like a “go see.” It’s just that friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together. Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively if it comes to that. I don’t think it’s wrong if people choose to date, skipping friendship, because I’ve seen couples have a successful marriage after knowing each other for just a few months, but for most, it doesn’t always work that way. I mean, if you do date, I just think it’s important to use the time wisely to gather facts.
I see what your saying and I know friendship with an attractive woman can be difficult for a lot of men because no matter what a great guy he is, or how spiritual he is, the outside package will still be an important issue. It’s just that a significant part of a man’s makeup centers around the fact that he is moved but what he sees. So, I totally agree with you about “guy sees girl, guy likes girl,” and so on.
I understand that men are moved by what they see, but I also believe a guy falls in love with a woman based on how he feels when he is with her, so friendship is very potent. It’s just that for me, I think it’s important to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. It’s like being of “like” kind. It just means that you’re compatible in many ways. You have a similar spiritual walk, you enjoy a lot of similar things. It’s just that it’s important to have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. I mean, there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, it’s just that like-minded people fare better together. After all, why do you have the friends you have? Because you share like interests and views, and when/if it comes to marriage, it’s one of the longest and most important friendships you will ever have. I agree with PB, because through a friendship, I can look at his decision making. I can also decide if he is unselfish, sensitive to the needs of others, and wise about the choices he makes, I can see what kind of friends he has, I can see what kind of relationship he has with his family, etc. and this all takes time, and time will always reveal whether or not a guy is compatible with me. Relationships, whether it’s romantic or not, are not about what any one party can get. It’s about what both parties have to give. I look for that same belief in a mate.
Tony, I see your point, and you are so right, it’s just that for me, the secret to getting the mate that I truly look for is hidden in his relationship with Christ. For me, my decisions for a mate are made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it’s made on an emotional one. I know it doesn’t work that way for others, but it works that way for me.
I agree with you about good parents, it’s just that when it came to my friends/romantic relationships my parents advice has always worked in my favor. My mom doesn’t know anything about vet medicine, so I look to advice from someone who does. My mom and dad had a successful marriage, and I’ve always wanted a healthy marriage like that, which is why I looked to their advice. And through the advice that they have given me, I’m able to make wise decisions myself. Like I was saying earlier, it's smart to get advice from someone who is or has been where I'm trying to go.
For the most part, I agree with you, I mean, I agree with most if not, all of your posts.
YAY Woohoo!