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As a chapter that struggled with numbers, my sisters and I unfortunately had to deal with a lot of this because the pnms were told they were guaranteed bids if they attended all their parties and maximized their options, which is not true. So, some pnms who wanted to be dropped by us would, at best, give one word answers and looked bored. We’ve had some really bad ones though. There’s always girls who bring up drinking and partying when they know full well that is an off-limits topic, or others who tell us about all of their connections to other sororities and that they only came back because they had to. The absolute worst one that I remember happened to one of my sisters a few years ago. She was talking to a pnm who had transferred from another school, where we happen to also have a chapter. So, my sister asked her something about it, like if she had gotten to know any of our members there. The pnm replied that our sorority sucks there just like it does here. Understandably, my sister started crying right after the party and we obviously did not invite the girl back. This was the most extreme case of pnm rudeness we had that I can recall, but even the mild stuff, like the bored looks and not engaging in conversation really take a toll on chapter morale. And because of numbers and pressure to grow, there often was not a lot we could do. Luckily, we had some great pledge classes and have grown a lot. So, with the improvement, the frequency of rude pnms is decreasing each year.
One of the hardest things that we had to learn with the rude pnms was that we just had to “kill them with kindness,” even though what we really wanted to do was tell them off or walk away or cry. We often had to double recruit when we were smaller, and nothing was worse than one engaged, polite pnm paired with another who would seemingly rather be hit by a bus, because we would see the interested pnm start to look upset or unsure when she saw the kind of reception our members got sometimes. But always, and especially with double recruiting, you can’t let the pnm’s attitude get to you because you are still selling your chapter to everyone else in the room. What I always wished I could tell all the pnms before going through recruitment is this:
No, you are not guaranteed anything. There are girls who go unmatched every year. No one will be forced to take you. Don’t think that if you work to get your bottom choices to cut you that your top choices will have to invite you back. Yes, you should give every chapter a chance, but even if it’s not a good fit, act like a decent human being at every party! If you are as great and coveted as you think you are, then it will be your choice anyway!
For other chapters dealing with this, hang in there. Know your resources and make sure you have someone reliable to go to with concerns, whether this is your recruitment chair, president, adviser, or other sister. If you are that person getting your sisters’ concerns, make sure they know you are handling it. Have all of the necessary numbers at hand to call the panhellenic adviser or vp recruitment. Because too often, these rude pnms get away with it, and the chapter members feel powerless. The same is true if the chapter members don’t know what happens and assume the pnm got away with it. Self-confidence and pride in the chapter goes down the tank. Don’t just take it. Be the perfect gracious hostess, but once the party is over, report the rude pnm and get her KICKED OUT of recruitment. Someone willing to put down anyone in any chapter is not an asset to the greek community. Most of all, even if a pnm is rude to you, always show confidence in yourself and your sisters, no matter how little you feel it, because that shows so much to the pnms. If they see you get upset when another pnm is rude, well, then they see you get upset! No one wants that image at recruitment. You want to be seen as having fun and loving your chapter no matter who tries to bring you down, and when pnms see that pride in your chapter, they realize you must have a chapter to be proud about.
Sorry for the long post but that’s my 2 cents on the topic.
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