Looking back now, I am embarrassed about my experience in some ways more than others. For instance, I allowed tent talk to influence my opinions, which is probably the biggest mistake I made. I don't just mean that I listened to someone badmouthing one of the houses; I heard girls discussing which chapters they preferred and which ones they disliked, and I subconsciously began altering my opinions of the houses based on that. I started wanting some of the chapters more than I had previously, and feeling negative about some of the houses I truly enjoyed. I didn't add too many details because I didn't want to out the chapters, but there were more than one that I probably would have enjoyed more if I hadn't let myself be influenced. If you're a PNM, don't listen to what other people have to say about chapters. Even if you already know girls in the chapters, go in with an open mind. If you try to find the best home for yourself, you might be surprised at where you fit in.
Did I have a few favorite houses? I certainly did. Everybody does. But I realized that I had favorites for fairly superficial reasons and so if I was going to go through again, I would only be benefitted by having an open mind. I knew going through the second time that I 'should' have an open mind, but I didn't really get it. I still thought I wouldn't like some houses more than others. But it comes down to the fact that I would find friends in any of the houses, really. With houses of 100+ members, there is bound to be SOMEBODY in there you will 'click' with.
The first time I went through rush I was 100% clueless about just about... everything. I actually am the first to 'go Greek' in my family, excepting my dad, who was a new pledge in a fraternity for a whole 6 days.
Anyway, my first recruitment was a disaster, or at least, it did not go so well. Curious as to why, I started doing some research, and found Greekchat. Once I decided I wanted to re-rush, this forum was indispensable. I was able to find out just about everything I needed to know to be well-prepared and well-educated. I did my homework, I got as many recs as I could for someone with no greeks in my family OR larger community (thank god for Alumnae Associations!), and I got in contact with a member of GC who helped me out a bit. By the time recruitment came up, I felt very prepared, and much more so than last year.
Basically, I know that there is some debate even on GC about how girls log on here and expect all the work to 'be done for them,' but I have to say that personally-- I was willing to do work to prepare, I just had no idea where to go or what to do-- and GC really helped outline my path for me. So, I have to give a heartfelt thanks to everybody who contributes here on GC-- more people have helped me than could possibly know, even by providing information in years past that I was able to use. I would also like to thank in particular, AXOrushadvisor, Benzgirl, and AzTheta for their particular help and correspondence. And basically a huge thank-you note to GC in general for helping to make my rush successful, even if you didn't know it.
Going through recruitment, I discovered that the gossip, reputations, and tent talk were more often than not stereotypes with little foundations. I know that it is fairly obvious, but I guess I was too naïve to realize that not clicking with 1 or 2 girls doesn't mean you can't find a spot in their house. Somehow I didn't realize that with chapters as large as they are on my campus, every group is really diverse! And that it is hard to judge one house based on two or three ten-minute conversations... I thought that one house seemed to be full of 'partiers' because of one girl I talked to, who mentioned that 'drinking isn't a big deal because everybody pretty much does it.' I have since realized that it is impossible for a whole house to be full of the exact same kinds of people.
To any possible PNM readers: The first time I went through Rush, I received 4 invites the first day of callbacks, to
Peridot House,
Obsidian House,
Topaz House, and
Ruby House. The second time through, I received all of these invites again, with
Tourmaline House instead of
Ruby House. I thought I had improved myself significantly because of my grades, and because I received recs my second time through, but it didn't make that much difference. One of my big problems, as a poster on the previous page mentioned, was that I simply wasn't a freshman. That's not saying non-freshmen can't get bids at all-- I did, eventually-- but the type of girl I was wouldn't typically receive bids. Shy, bookish, not memorable unless you get to know her... Even thinking I had practiced conversations, I think what hurt me even more than class standing was my personality. If you're naturally shy, you really have to work hard to be comfortable in social situations, or you might not be memorable enough for chapters to call you back.
It is really sad to feel like nobody wants you, and maybe I was discriminated against because of my class standing, but I know there's a lot more to it than that. If you get dropped from all of your houses, think about why you wanted to join a sorority in the first place. If it was just to wear letters, then you were in it for the wrong reason. If you just want to make more friends and come out of your shell a bit, try getting involved in other ways. Even if its "not the same," getting involved on campus is very important. You will also be able to feel more comfortable in your skin the more social situations you put yourself in. And you never know what might happen in the future; I got a bid to my chapter after I'd given up on joining a sorority. Don't put yourself through what I went through. Getting dropped from every house can make you feel worthless, but you're not. Find other ways to be involved, and do other things that are important to you.
And join APO
