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The next day, I got up early, got dolled up, and went to get my schedule. I received 2 callbacks, to Obsidian House and to Peridot House. I was very sad when I saw that my two favorites from the previous day, Ruby House and Topaz House, had both dropped me. I wondered what I had done wrong. I finally went to talk to my RC, since my parties weren't until after lunch on this day.
She told me that today we would see some of the house's personalities in their skits. She told me to have an open mind so that I would not just be dead-set against them, and my opinion might be changed. It sounded like good advice, but I wasn't sure about trying them on to see if they truly fit. I was so upset that my 2 favorites dropped me; overlooking the fact that I had enjoyed Obsidian at all. I was more concentrated on who didn't want me than who did. All I could think about was how natural my conversations had been at Ruby House and Topaz House, how well I would have fit in with the actives there...
After talking to my RC though, I was feeling a little better than before, and at least realized if I dropped out it would be rude to both Obsidan House and Peridot House. Since they had invited me back, I felt like I should do my best to give them a shot. I looked over my options, and decided I would either pledge a house I did not love, or pledge a house with the intention of dropping before initiation if I didn't fall in love. (Taking for granted the fact that one of these houses would extend me a bid.) I could drop out and try Spring rush or next year's Formal Fall rush again. Or, I could just be done with sororities and never go greek. I knew suddenly that I couldn't not Go Greek. I HAD to be in a sorority, even if it killed me. But I knew also that I did not want to join a sorority I didn't like. I felt like rushing as a junior would be lame, even though I already knew I'd be taking an extra year to graduate so I'd basically be re-rushing as a sophomore. So then I started thinking, well yeah I could go through again next year... And then realized I should just go to my parties and see how they went.
So I went to my parties. At Obsidian House I had a really good time. I liked their skit, and found myself agreeing with what they said about their motto and symbols. I tried to be positive, and it was nice to see the house during the tour. I did have a good time, even while feeling a little bit unwanted by the two houses I had mostly wanted. In the end I liked Obsidian House a lot, but I still had a little part of my brain telling me it'd be embarrassing to join this house. I would have not had this problem if I hadn't listened to gossip. This organization's values are very close to mine and it is a really good organization.
At my party at Peridot House I did NOT have a good time. I knew by the end that I definitely didn't want to go here. I just didn't fit in with the girls, and the conversations were strained and awkward. Everywhere I looked, the other PNMs were smiling and happy to be there, but I felt extremely out of place. Overall, I just felt unhappy with this house and wished I was anywhere but here.
When I went to vote, I started thinking about the next night, Pref. I just felt like neither Obsidian nor Peridot were my actual preferences. I couldn't figure out why Ruby House had dropped me, when I had had really good conversations there, and when I was recognized by the actives I'd talked to, and when I had felt a genuine connection. I remembered I had said, at both Ruby House and Topaz House, that I mentioned how excited I was to get a callback, so I started just feeling down on myself about that, thinking it might have been overeager. I also felt like I was sure I wouldn't be pledging come Bid Day. I wondered, if I now wanted to be in a sorority more than anything in my whole life, if I'd accept a bid to a house where I felt like I didn't fit in. After all, if I wanted to be in ANY house, what luxury did I have to pick which house that was? It felt unfair to me; why were other girls in my group getting full parties with houses they loved, while I had only a few parties and my favorite houses had dropped me? I ended up having a pretty miserable evening, overall.
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