[agzg]

So I suppose I should elaborate. Full disclosure: I live with my boyfriend now. We're not engaged, we probably will get married eventually for a benefits/kids situation but we aren't planning on it right now. I don't know much about divorce rates or marriage rates of cohabitating couples, and to be honest I don't really care.

When I was in college and then grad school, I did not want to live with a boyfriend. In undergrad, I was too busy with Alpha Gam, Pahellenic, coursework and other school activities to have to deal with the "how are we doing, how is our relationship?" kindof things that tend to happen when you live with a guy. Besides, and maybe it's just me, but every fight in college was "The Fight" that was going to break us up. My boyfriend at the time (we did end up breaking up after I moved to go to grad school) and I were both not at a maturity level for things to not be so damned dramatic. I had roommates, and it was so low stress it was fantastic.

When I went to grad school and met my current boyfriend, the thought never crossed my mind until I was done. I loved keeping my own hours. Live-in and I are really great right now with not nagging one another, but still, I feel (just a little) bad if I work late or go out late with friends (not bad enough to make me not go or invite him or not enjoy myself). I'm held accountable, on some level, even if it's low stress. I would not have been able to deal with that when I was in grad school. I was working a ridiculous amount and doing hours upon hours of coursework on top of it. When I wasn't doing schoolwork or at work, I wanted to hang out with my friends (not always him) and not feel bad about staying out until 3am. I wanted to be independent and a functioning adult, making mistakes that only affected me and never affected him.

It works for some people. I have no problem with unmarried couples living together, and no problem with living with someone myself with no promise of marriage in the future, but I do think having those few years "on my own" either with roommates or living by myself prepared me well for living with someone, as did his few years. Because we were both completely self-sufficient prior to moving in together, we rarely fight about things like cleaning, taking care of a dog (and now kittens), cooking, paying bills, or work stress. In fact, most of our fights (which aren't even really fights, I guess) revolve around issues with his or my family (they looooove to put the pressure on either for babies or wedding bells). While those can be dealbreakers in relationships although they're not that for us, they're not the day-to-day little stuff that frankly I think would make me resent him.

Obviously YMMV - I'm not everyone and I wouldn't say that my experience is typical, but that's why I wouldn't (and didn't) live with a boyfriend while I was in college or grad school.