[saxywalrus]

Round 3: Skit Night
Our hero Saxywalrus emerged from the Batmobile ready for Round 3. She went to the Hall of Justice and upon arrival was handed a schedule, which said:
Wonder Woman
No Event
Flash
Green Lantern

By Odin’s beard! #2, #3, and #4 were all gone! Saxywalrus felt as though she’d been clobbered with a kryptonite baseball bat. She took a gander around her table and nearly everyone looked delighted. She checked with her friend Lois Lane and roommate Robin and found that they had both gotten full schedules with all of their top choices. Although Saxywalrus was pleased that Wonder Woman was still on her list, she decided to have a chat with her Rho Gamma, the Girl Wonder, just so she wouldn’t be nervous and screw things up at Wonder Woman, because with a great and powerful first choice comes the great responsibility of not totally screwing it up. That said, she was determined to enjoy Flash and Green Lantern as well.

Wonder Woman: The skit was pretty awesome, and all of the sisters were really into it. The skit took a lot of popular songs and gave them new words, a la Weird Al (minus the geekiness and plus a lot of glitter and puffy paint.) Despite the fact that Saxywalrus had felt comfortable there the day before, today she was so worried about messing things up that she felt like she’d been attacked with a case of verbal Poison Ivy: she had an uncomfortable itch to say the perfect thing. Unfortunately, the itch to speak was sometimes a little too strong and similar to a typical comic book Saxywalrus felt like she may have been a bit cheesy. Still, she really liked the girls and really wanted to be a part of their sisterhood.

Actual Conversation that Occurred:
Saxywalrus: Man, that dance looked great! It seemed like everyone can move. Do you have any girls in your sorority who flat out can’t dance at all?
Rusher: Yeah. No worries, the dancing is optional. But there are always a few sisters who do want to dance in the skit and have trouble learning the moves. But that’s what body roll lessons at 2am in the hallway are for.
Saxywalrus: Sounds like fun. I wouldn’t mind body roll lessons. My dancing isn’t dancing so much as “creatively pretending to have a seizure.”
Rusher: *laughs*
*awkward silence*
Rusher: So how’s your dorm?
Saxywalrus: Oh. I don’t like it. Nobody really keeps their doors open. It’s weird. The people on the floor are weird. It smells weird. No. I’m weird. I need to stop saying weird things. And saying the word “weird” so much. Think, saxy, think. Make a funny joke. Say something interesting. Stop with the verbal diarrhea.
*awkward silence*
Saxywalrus: *hurriedly* These girls on my floor have a fight club! They’re both in the ROTC and they “spar” until they have bruises and they do it at weird times in the night and I hear thumps a lot and I’m seriously worried they’re going to start making soap!
Rusher: *giggles* Well that’s definitely weird.
Saxywalrus: Well sh*t.

Break: Saxywalrus used this time to gloomily reflect on how bizarre she acted in the Wonder Woman room. Come to think of it, she’d only talked to two people there, and one of them was a girl from her church who’d known her forever. If Wonder Woman really wanted her, why would they have had Saxywalrus spend almost all of her time there talking to someone who already knew her? But before she had time to fully contemplate her destiny, it was time for the next room.

Flash: Saxywalrus was pleasantly surprised. The skit was pretty funny and the weird overemphasis on sisterhood was much less present today. It truly seemed like these girls could have fun. She also met Iris West (codenamed after the Flash’s girlfriend in the comics), a girl who was also majoring in LANGUAGE and double-majoring in OTHER SCIENCE. Saxywalrus and Iris West really hit it off, although Iris West was definitely a bit long-winded.

Actually SERIOUS Conversation that Occurred
Saxywalrus: I’m having kind of a rough day of recruitment today. Do you have any advice?
Iris West: To be honest, the whole process kind of sucks. I mean, you can’t really get to know someone in a couple hours and especially when they’re under a lot of stress.
Saxywalrus: Agreed.
Iris West: Just know that if the sorority you want doesn’t choose you, it’s not because you’re a bad person. Plenty of great girls slip through the cracks. In case you couldn’t tell from my attitude, my freshman rush didn’t go the way I’d planned.
Saxywalrus: Aww.
Iris West: But know that you have other options like informal rush. I rushed informally and couldn’t have been happier when I received my bid to Flash. It’s not how I imagined it going but I wouldn’t trade my sisters for the world.
Saxywalrus: That’s really great.
Iris West: But I really hope things work out your way. And no RG is gonna tell you this, but if there’s a chapter you’re not fond of, be honest about it. The best thing you can be at rush is yourself.

Wise words, Miss West.

Green Lantern: Their skit was cute and Saxywalrus liked the theme, but she was convinced more than ever before that these girls weren’t right for her. They were too nice and the way that they expressed their sisterhood was definitely a little bit strange. Aaaand once again, I felt like I was leading the conversation.

Actual Conversation That Occurred
Saxywalrus: Great skit. I thought that the theme was clever.
Rusher 1: Thanks.
Rusher 2: So do you have any questions about the sorority?
Saxywalrus: Um. Oh! How do you guys express your sisterhood?
Rusher 1: Sisterhood is really important to me. None of the other sororities wanted me but I’m so glad Green Lantern made me feel welcome.
Saxywalrus: I’m happy for you. So Rusher 2 mentioned yesterday that you guys sometimes pull pranks on each other involving pantsing. Any other crazy shenanigans?
Rusher 1: Well one time all of the showers on our wing were being used. So we stole four girls’ towels while they were showering. We took pictures of the towels to prove we stole them. And then we put them back. Because we didn’t want them to get mad.
Saxywalrus: *deer in headlights look* That…must’ve been a good one.

All in all, it was a disappointing day. Saxywalrus began to worry that she may not become a superhero after all. There was the random Fight Club outburst at Wonder Woman and then there was the fact that all the other girls in the room at Flash kept having their rusher get bumped repeatedly whereas Saxywalrus and Iris West appeared to be stuck on the cosmic treadmill that continually looped them together. And there was no way Saxywalrus wanted to be a Green Lantern, what with their confusing concept of pranks and oddly prevalent nudity.

When RG the Girl Wonder brought her the ranking sheet, the choices were easy:
1. Wonder Woman
1. Flash
2. Green Lantern
And with that, saxywalrus retreated to the Batcave in silence.