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I have a few friends who have been in your position recently. I will try to recount their stories in case it helps:
One friend lives in a major northeast city and has a notable occupation. She's in her early 30s, single, no kids, and has lived in this city for about two years. She is active in various causes and a well-known civic organization but (in my opinion) she's not exactly active in causes which introduce her to a great deal of other black women like her. She's almost too high-faluttin' to be able to meet "regular people" at this point.
However, her patience is paying off. I actually introduced her to a very active member of a different sorority who was able to put her in touch with members of the sorority she is interested in. Slowly but steadily, she is making the connection to active members that she seeks.
Another friend of mine moved back to our hometown about a year ago. She stays pretty busy with work and various social events, but I wouldn't say that she does a lot of charity work (as my other friend does). She, like my other friend, was doing everything right on paper: contacting the graduate/alumnae chapters through their websites, asking to be put on mailing lists, etc. But in the case of both (I forgot to mention earlier) the chapters didn't have up to date websites with chapter events on them, so it was hard to meet members.
Well, for my friend here, she met members through me who were inactive and was having a hard time being connected to active members. At some point, a bell went off in my head and I remembered that a young lady I knew was a member of one of the grad chapters here. I sent a facebook message and come to find out my acquaintance is the president of that chapter. She asked for my friend's info and she has been invited to public events ever since.
Each sorority (and fraternity) will be different, and in no case will it be easy. But if you do have close family members and friends who are members then it's really just a matter of asking them to continue to provide you introductions and pathways to active members.
I hope that's provided some general guidance on how to use your networks to your advantage.
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