[SC2013]

More about Peggy Olson.

The pre-party revelation

There is so much negative tent talk about this house for no reason besides the fact that they are typically smaller than our ginormous other chapters on campus. But I had to admit...at this point I knew I had to be honest with myself.

Because of catty girls' unfounded comments (usually something like "I'm so glad I got to cut Peggy so I didn't have to see her for House Tours!" Why? Were they rude to you? Judgemental? No...because of our university's long Greek history, there are very definitive "tiers" on campus I really can't be bothered with because I know girls in every house and they are all really quite on par in terms of intelligence, friendliness, AND attractiveness as a whole so whatever frat bros want to shoehorn us into--well, I don't care), I finally realized that I had been using reverse tent talk with this house. Stay with me now.

Because I love a good underdog, and I hate it when anyone or anything is looked down on for absolutely unfounded reasons, I have always rooted for Peggy to do well. But during my break before this party, I suddenly thought, "What if my rush experience at Amazing Top House was just like it had been with Peggy these last couple days?"

And I realized that even if this was some kind of Stepford house with leggy bombshells floating around in their natural sorvironment, and every other PNM and their greatgrandmother's neighbor wanted a bid from this house, I would still not want to join this house based on my lack of compatability with this house emotionally.

And I felt so guilty admitting that to myself! I had for some reason felt the need to counterbalance other PNMs' shallow behavior by telling myself that, yes, Peggy Olson needed some love and yes, of course I liked this house even though, yes, I have to wrack my brain to come up with things to say here, and yes, I feel out of place and, yes, even a little scared to be myself in fear of off-putting or offending anyone's sensibilities here.

So was I this whole time discounting my own feelings by feeling sorry for a house? Did I kind of smooth over my lack of compatibility by thinking, no, this girl's just awkward, give her a chance and in three months of sisterhood maybe we'll have a pleasant conversation? Every time the past couple days that at Peggy Olson my gut told me "no, this isn't for you," I immediately felt guilty. I realized that finally. BUT I also acknowledged that they had invited me back for their Slideshow, so that I could learn more about their house.

The Slideshow
It felt like there was a meagre showing of PNMs outside, and lots of girls looking absolutely outraged that they had been invited back. (There were lots of elevator eyes and general harumphing.) I felt guilty again. Well, maybe more kind of pissed off...these holier-than-thou girls probably hadn't tried to make a connection with these girls...they probably tried to make it more difficult. Anyways, I felt like I'd probably be glad to meet another Peggy Olson to see if maybe I'd been wrong all along and my breaktime revelation was just me being stressed out and Red Bull-ed for too long...

When we walked in, my hometown friend jumped up in front of a different active to join me. I immediately felt a sense of relief. And then I immediately noticed that...shoot. I'd felt a sense of relief. But I wouldn't have to squeeze my brain like a sponge at this party, which meant that until tomorrow I could turn off from rush mode. The slideshow came on and my friend went to the aisles to join in on the dance...I was next to the aisle though, and nobody else was next to me in the entire row which I guess was good so I could focus on the slideshow, but I honestly don't remember much of it.

After the slideshow, my friend took me to the backyard where we sat at a patio table...maybe the same one I'd sat at on Convo Days with Other University Peggy. She asked me how my rush was going, and I sheepishly told her I'd had a really good day so far. She asked me what houses I'd seen and I told her.

And then.

She asked me, "Do you want me to get us to drop you?"

I was...shocked. Surprised. Guilty. Nervous. Also concerned about that this was like some kind of backwards dirty rushing. I was silent for a bit. I didn't know what to say. I knew what I wanted to say, and I just remember thinking, "Well...she suggested it....?"

Finally I said, my voice funny sounding even to myself, "Um, well...sure. I guess?" So she said she would put me down for the lowest score when she ranked me, and later she texted me that she would again. She was so...earnest.

So in the midst of my emotional rush week I suddenly was thrown a loop. I felt real bad. But I also knew that if it came to going to Pref here, I wouldn't be able to...do whatever girls do at Pref. Cry. Feel connected and emotional. I could just imagine myself, standing in a group of PNMs holding candles or something (I had no idea how it worked whatsoever), everybody's sobbing while I'm looking around awkwardly. Also, I would rather drop this house than Trudy Campbell, since I felt like I'd had an off day there rather than an off week here, so maybe we would be cross-cutting each other anyways? Also, my friend is a member of this chapter, after all! I hadn't mentioned any uncertainty about Peggy to her, just that I'd had a good day so far...if I could be a good addition to her house, wouldn't she try to talk up good things about her house rather than simply offer to cut me?

Man was I guilty. During break before the party I'd felt guilty for feeling sorry. Now I was sorry for feeling guilty. Or something. Dammit, recruitment!

However, needless to say, ranking my 2 houses for Preference were pretty simple. My other RC (each RC group has 2 RCs, and half of the group usually visits 1 of the 2 during computer ranking) helped me at the computer today.

She asked me what my first choice was.

"Joan Holloway," I must have said with a lot of certainty, because she said:

"I love it when PNMs just know and find a house that they really love," she was looking at me, smiling with a kind of proud approval.

My second choice was Trudy Campbell, and then of course Peggy Olson was my first alternative.

I felt an uneasy peace. I realized that I did feel a weight off my shoulders that I would be dropped from Peggy. So whatever happened tomorrow was meant to happen...right?

[I have a feeling this post is going to make all of you hate me! I'm scared to see your reaction but I think that as a PNM I did my best to give each house a fair and open-minded shot...right? Giving bias to the so-called "top tier" sorority while disregarding actual emotional connection is the flip side to giving bias to the so-called "lower tier" sorority out of indignant support...right? And was I reverse dirty rushed? Am I just a silly little girl who doesn't know what's best for herself??? (Yes.) Thoughts? Like I said, I'm scared to hear your thoughts but a major reason I wanted to share this story is to hear an outsider's insights.]