[psusue]

First of all, it is commendable that you realize what went wrong and are willing to change yourself in order to (potentially) find a home. That growth, even if you do not find a chapter, is something that will help you long term, regardless of sorority membership. So kudos.

Second, you know what you need to stop doing, so do it. There is an application named (aptly) "Self Control" (you can google it), where it blocks websites that you list for a prescribed amount of time. Nothing, not even turning your computer off or throwing it against a wall, will make the website appear before the time is up. It is excellent for habit breaking and I suggest you try it if you are serious about stopping reading this website. Unfortunately a similar item is not available for tent talk with friends, but perhaps one good habit will feed another.

Third, and this is important; joining a chapter that is considered awkward does not make you awkward. No more do you suddenly become fat if you join the "fat" chapter, that would be ridiculous. You are who you are and being a in a sorority doesn't change that, it improves it if anything. You could potentially be the social butterfly of the group and they could learn things from you. You in turn will also learn from them (this is true of any group experience) if you commit to spending time with them. That is a fact. Great or small, you will learn things in group life and it will benefit you as a person.

Fourth, and this is a life lesson not just a sorority lesson, you are who you are and you should not let anyone hold you back from potentially making decisions that could benefit you. So what if your friends think that those girls are "awkward"? If you like them that's all that matters, and I bet once you all start hanging out together they will learn that in fact they are pretty cool girls. Sorority life has much to offer you, no matter the chapter, as you have much to potentially give the chapter. Social skills, networking skills, organization and leadership skills, the list goes on an on, regardless of chapter designation. Are you willing to potentially miss out on all of that because "you didn't want to be in the awkward chapter"? There are people who live with this regret and wish that they'd made a different decision. My advice is if you think you want to be Greek, go through recruitment! You never know what you may find, but it just might be a second home.

Sorry this was so long but this is an issue that I feel passionate about. If you have any more questions feel free to PM me, I can try to answer them as well as I can. And keep reading the boards, they are a wealth of information and a surefire attitude changer (especially if you read some of the unsuccessful recruitment stories-- some are heartbreakers). This advice, depending on your school, may not matter at all because at some schools after freshman year it gets exponentially harder to join a chapter. At others it does not matter as much. All you can do is go through recruitment with the best grades, attitude, overall look, and conversation that you can (recs too if your school needs them). Good luck and let us know how things go.