[Alumiyum]

IMO, a PNM that knows she will be ranking ABC first could safely say that to the active that prefs her. What she doesn't want to do is say this in round 1, to other sororities, or phrase it like, "OMG I can't wait to be your sister, will you be my big?" (and that one is an actual example).

A PNM that is torn doesn't want to do this, because if she changes her mind and ranks XYZ first (or worse, tells them both she'll rank them both first) she can easily cause hurt feelings. And telling ABC in round 1 or 2 that she wants only them isn't necessarily safe, either. Actives talk, and if one from ABC gloats to XYZ, she could get dropped by XYZ before she has time to really think it through. (Which is also something that I have seen happen, and to more than one PNM).

Basically, if it's pref night and you know you're going to list XYZ first, it's probably ok to tell them they're your favorite group. What you don't want to do is sound desperate (I can't wait to be your sister!), tell two groups you'll put them first, tell a group you only want them before pref night, or just downright lie. The key here being you know which group you will be listing first. If there's any doubt in your mind (which is the case for the majority of PNMs), it's best to keep it all to yourself other than general comments (I really like it here) in case you change your mind to avoid any hurt feelings.