Quote:
Originally Posted by sigmadiva
1. I agree. If you go back to page 4, post #47, Kevin compared the OT of this thread to a woman getting raped. That is where it got off track on the whole rape issue.
2. I agree here too. My point being, in any circumstance, one can minimize their outcome by being aware and taking precautions. While in many cases you could be a victim, but by being as diligent as possible, you don't *have* to be a victim.
3. Yes and no. I think that if you always feel that no matter what happens to you is never your fault, (good or bad), then I think you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment. For the sometimes - sometimes you can take responsibility for your actions, sometimes you can't, you just have to be able to know and recognize when.
I knew this girl in grad school who never made much progress because whenever her project hit a snag, it was never her fault. She would *always* blame someone else for her problem. Example, her reports were never in on time, not her fault because 1. her garage door was not working that day, so she could not get her car out of the garage, or 2. when she tried to go to the computer lab to print her work, she had trouble getting access to her account, or 3. she could not come to class because she had a family emergency that just so happened to happen on the same weekend our school had a big football game.
All plausible circumstances, but by the middle of the semester, there was a definite pattern.
4. I think we came to this conclusion on page 3.
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Sometimes no matter what a person does there are things beyond their control and there really is no way we can prevent any and all bad things from happening. I know victims who constantly self blame when in all reality there is no way to prevent being a victim because sometimes things just happen we can't avoid. I think it is great that people do what they can to minimize situations but there are times where it just isn't rational how and why things happen because there is no rhyme or reason.
Your classmate is a victim and a perp and not doing well in school isn't the kind of victim I'm talking about. She's just a dummy and it is obvious to other people but a lot of victims of sexual and other assault are just unlucky because the perp was there and they came along. People can make good decisions with bad consequences and bad decisions with no consequences. I look back at stuff I've done and wonder why I wasn't a victim but if I had been a victim it still wouldn't be my fault that someone else decided to take advantage of me or hurt me, that solely lies with them. A person who commits a crime against another is still responsible for their actions and some situations just are not preventable.