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One thing I've wondered is if you've considered NPC or NPHC sororities that are not focused on lesbians. You might find them more welcoming of you than you'd think, particularly if you're a joiner, leader, etc. You mentioned some reasons why you weren't happy with the existing lesbian sororities (and I will admit to 100% stupitude on that subject), but you didn't mention if you've considered "straight" sororities. I think it is less common to find gay women in sororities than it is for gay men in fraternities, but it still exists. And you might really like the structure they provide.
But please don't read this as me telling you NPC is the only way to go. I'm just saying it may fit your criteria more than you think.
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