[Tre 1]

Originally Posted by EE-BO

I am from an NIC fraternity, and I am aware that intake procedures are very different for NPHC organizations- but I think this particular situation transcends those differences.

First off, given that this is a personal matter- the specific chapter you aspire to and the member with whom you now have a conflict is going to determine the outcome. Therefore, in terms of "giving odds"- this is one case where it is practically impossible for a stranger to the situation to help.

However, I will say this- I really do think you need to take the advice of some other posters and have a very honest and open conversation with that member.

The situation you find yourself in is not unique to the fact you are trying to join the fraternity of the other guy in this triangle. Between friends, in the workplace or in any social grouping- being that guy who cheated with someone's girlfriend or wife is going to put you in a very difficult position. This is all the more true if you are newer to that same workplace/social environment than the guy whose territory you have invaded because what you have done can also be perceived as an invasion against the entire social group the two of you have in common, or may have in common in the future.

I have, both in my fraternity and in many other settings, seen this kind of situation evolve many times. Sometimes it is two guys who just like the same girl, and once it involved a woman who has been married to her husband for several years. Usually it is somewhere in the middle.

Generally, I find most people are very reluctant to get involved in such matters because they are personal. Part of it is surely not wanting to try and get a co-worker fired or ostracize a fellow member of a group because they themselves might one day end up part of a similar story and would prefer the world just butt out. Also, people will tend to look at the big picture when picking sides or deciding to leave a situation alone. There is a big difference between bedding a man's otherwise faithful wife versus a man's girlfriend who is known to sleep around a lot.

Anyhow- that my general life take on the matter.

As for you specifically- getting this out in the open and resolving it now is your best bet. If doing that now really is going to keep you from becoming a Kappa- then it is going to come up later when you have already invested yourself in the chapter as a pledge anyway and the cost of your transgression could be much higher in many ways.

This is true and I already told him. He broke up with his girl who is also my friend. He told me he already knew about the whole thing.