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I don't know if this will feel helpful, honeychile, but my mom passed away 3 years ago after a very long battle with COPD. The last two years of her life were extremely stressful with hospitalizations and problems with care givers and the trauma of watching her dying very, very slowly. It was excruciating to watch her suffer and my whole life revolved around trying to take care of both of our households, meals for her, shopping for her and trying to be with her as much as I could while working and being a single mom. Her last coherent words to me were "You need to live your life now". I have to say that the first year, I didn't know if I would ever feel "normal" again. The second year was easier. The third anniversary of her passing was difficult, but I did work that day. I shed some tears but I can say that, most of the time, the raw pain that I initially felt has faded into sorrow mixed with happy memories. So, I may get misty eyed at times when thinking about her and missing her, but that rawness has healed and I do feel like I've returned to "normal". And, per her wishes, I'm living my life as best I can and hope that she is looking down and watching me proudly.. and knows that SHE is the reason that I know I can do anything I put my mind to. I see so much of her influence alive in my children, in their interests that she nurtured and in their attitudes toward life. She will never be gone because she was responsible for so much of who I am and who my kids are turning out to be.
Time does heal these wounds but as my friends are also losing parents in this phase of life, we all agree that this phase of life sucks. We really preferred the "getting married/having babies" phase.
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