[thetygerlily]

Ditto the advice to go to parties/clubs/etc. It is so easy to let that awkwardness of not wanting to go without your boyfriend get in the way- but don't let it. Most groups I've been with or seen wind up spending time with each other, not grinding on random guys (as someone so eloquently put it ). And if some do, not everyone does. Try going a couple of times. Push yourself. It'll be amazing how that small act will change peoples' perception of you. You'll go from being the person that's off-limits ("no, lala wouldn't be interested so we won't bother inviting her") to someone on the options list ("oh yeah, lala came last week to X- maybe she'll want to go to Y this weekend!"). Usually those kinds of buckets aren't disrespectful in any way, people just go by the norms of what they see.


As for getting to know more of your sisters, take the initiative and go to coffee or lunch with them, one on one. It is very easy to get lost in all of the things you have to do, and to let that shyness or private nature get in the way of pushing yourself to form closer relationships. I have always been the kind of person where I wait for people to approach me, and don’t take the initiative. It has been a huge life lesson to change that. This has actually been a personal struggle for me at work, and I wished I had pushed myself further in college to form closer relationships.

To set the stage for why this is so important in your sorority and out in the real world, I work in consulting which is a bit of an odd industry. I have a company where I work with people minimally on occassion but see them often, and mostly interact with other people (clients) outside of the company. It's very similar to a sorority actually- you're part of the group, you're on a few committees with some people, but spend a lot of your time outside of the sorority- dorm/apartment, classes, boyfriend, etc. In my company, I received some feedback during a midyear review that people felt like they didn't know me, what I was working on, what I could do. The reason? I didn't take the initiative to set up meetings with people just to chat. I thought they had better things to do than talk to me! It was a huge lesson for me to learn that just because someone else is busy and I don't know them well does not mean they aren't interested and won't make time. I started targeting people from different skill sets & levels (in your case, different pledge classes/grades/hobbies/etc). I set up at least one coffee or lunch a week. Pretty soon I had met with around 15 different people that I otherwise wouldn't have. I received such positive feedback that I was not expecting. I figured people would be like “okay, fine, I guess I’ll take time out of MY day to talk to you”. But it was the opposite! People were so happy that I set up these casual meetings. I remember one of the most senior people in my company looking up at me from across the room when he got a meeting invite with the biggest smile on his face, he was so touched and happy that I set something up. It sounds strange, but people were thrilled that I took the initiative to do that because they didn’t have the time/energy to think about setting things up themselves. It not only helped me in my next review but also made me happier with the company because I was establishing closer relationships with people. Now it is that much easier to work with them because we have that basis to start from.

Anyway, long story short… make it a personal goal to reach out to 1-2 people a week. Invite them to coffee, lunch, a campus event, tv show premier, whatever. Don’t send a blanket email to a bunch of people. Target them individually. You will find some that you just don’t click with as well, and that’s fine. But you may find some that you really enjoy, and want to set up another coffee, and another lunch, or go on a double date, or… anything. But, as I have learned, you can’t rely on others to reach out to you. You need to take the initiative for that push. You may be amazed at the response you’ll get. Regardless of what happens between you and your sorority, it is a huge life lesson and a skill that will better prepare you for life out in the real world after graduation.