[EE-BO]

WhatstheRUSH,

The advice you have received seems harsh, but it really is right on target I think.

Based on the information you provide, your daughter looks great "on paper". That means something, but it is not everything as you surely know being a sorority member yourself and an adult with a family. You have succeeded in many ways to get to this point in your life, and it was not always on paper or in a book I bet!

And keep in mind too that many heli-parents come to this website- plus there have been occasions where an overinvolved parent actually hurt a child's chances in rush. Appearances are everything, and it is human nature for people to question a situation where a parent asks questions a child should be asking themselves. It is not personal, just people going with their general past experience on threads like these- just like rush really. It is people having to give advice or make quick decisions on a small piece of information relative to the whole story no matter how accurate that bit of information or insight comes across.

I just have one piece of advice, and I hope it helps. At a point when your daughter is interested in hearing, may I suggest you and other close relatives who are sorority members take her out for the day. Maybe a nice lunch, shopping, a spa- all that stuff ladies like to do (I am a guy- sorry if I am making stereotypical guesses.) Do what is fun, but make the theme of the day letting her know about sorority life as her close family knows and loves it.

During your outing, answer her questions in terms of what you know. Tell her stories about the good times of sorority membership, maybe about mistakes you thought you made during rush that turned out not to affect your finding a great chapter. Let her see for herself, through your stories, what a great time you had and why. Times may change, but not that much. What you went through a generation ago is very relevant today in many ways.

Take it out of the realm of how daunting rush can be, and just have a relaxed fun time sharing what being Greek meant to you and let her digest it in her own way.

That, I think, is what it will take for her to make a decision if this is for her- ie what will get her over the social fear- and for her to decide to make a serious effort at going for it.

I am old enough to have met a lot of very outgoing and also very introverted people. Everyone has one thing in common- when they are genuinely excited about something, they become wonderful people to be around for those who share a common interest.

In terms of sorority life- that common interest could be social, philanthropy, scholastics, leadership, and the list goes on. I think the greatest gift you can give your daughter right now is the inspiration of how sorority life can connect with one of her personal interests. And from there she will have something real to talk about during rush.

Best wishes and hope this helps!