[GreekGuide]

When I was an undergrad, the general procedures/etiquette were as follows:

1) After two Greeks have dated for a considerable time (i.e., usually a year or more), the fraternity man lavaliered the sorority woman. Usually on this occassion, there was no major celebration between the chapters. He may or may not have been subjected to the tree tying event. She always received a candle pass ceremony from her sorority sisters. We sang a song as we lit a candle and passed it in a circle. It was a big deal because no one in the chapter knows ahead of time, who the lucky honoree is...except usually her closest of sisters or pledge family members, who would read a verse or quote when the candle reached them. The last person to read announces something to the effect of "I am so excited to announce the lavaliering of my pledge daughter Susie Gam to Doug Delt. Lavaliering was very commonplace when I was in school. Sometimes, it was given after only six months. People who are against lavaliering often say having his letters hang from your lavalier symbolizes that you're owned by his fraternity. That you're property.

2) As time goes on and the relationship blossoms, a pinning usually follows. In reference to some previous posts, the woman usually is known by many of the fraternity man's brothers and well liked and vice versa, the woman's sisters known and like the man. It's usually a big secret. The men come over the woman's chapter house and serenade her. She gets another candle pass ceremony.

Pinning is a HUGE deal as it doesn't happen very often anymore. It was much bigger in the 40's and 50's. It is also a really huge deal because as some of the other posts have said, the woman is not only wearing his letters, she is now wearing his badge as well. She ranks equal to his fraternity brothers and vows. By the way, from what I understand, most fraternities have a special badge that is given in pinnings or also to chapter sweethearts. The men don't typically give their actual badge to the woman. It's generally a smaller and more feminine version of their actual badge.

Usually once the pinning takes place the chapters have a party together. Susie and Doug's Pinning Party. At my school, it was customary that the couple paid for their own party. It rarely came out of chapter funds.

Just to reiterate, getting pinned is a HUGE deal as it doesn't happent hat often. From a timing perspective, usually the couple starts dating their freshman or sophomore year, and the pinning happens towards the middle to end of their senior year. So, they've been dating throughout college. You don't start dating freshman year, get lavaliered second semester and then sophomore year get pinned. Pinning is a very special, thing. It truly means that you are about to get engaged. It's like a promise ring for greeks.

3) An engagement almost always follows a pinning. Woman gets another candle pass. No big hoopla. It is usually reserved for the pinning.

As far as sweethearts go, differernt fraternities have different criteria. Sometimes, it's simply a woman who has been elected as sort of a queen other times it's a woman who has done a lot in terms of service for the fraternity or other times it's a woman who has been pinned by the fraternity. She usually is good friends with many members of the fraternity brothers. It's similar to a little sis. In fact, sometimes it is the little sister of a fraternity brother. No matter what, a woman who is a sweetheart, lil sis, pinned, lavaliered, etc...is very well respected by the fraternity.

Hope that helps. Remember, this was just at my school. Different strokes for different folks.