[ROWDYsister]

I’m a sorority bitch.
I wear Gucci sunglasses. Hell, even my eyeglasses are Gucci. All of clothes are designer…be it Abercrombie, American Eagle, Bebe, or anything from Bloomingdale’s. I fake bake. I watch “Friends.” I complain about Monday night chapter.
I binge drink. I drink lots of hard alcohol. I get pissy if there’s not enough alcohol in my drink. I take shots. I throw up in frat house bathrooms. I throw up and then I drink some more. I drink too much. I talk about how wasted I was last night really loud in class. I was really wasted last night. I go out every night.
I don’t go to class. I don't know all of my professors’ names, but I know all the names of famous designers. I know where the mall is but I don't know where to register for classes. I live in my big beautiful sorority house. We have fancy dinners, chefs, busboys, and maids. I live with my best friends in the sorority house. We have a chart that shows when we go to class. Whoever is missing one gold star has to go that 8am Friday morning class that we all share. I only get good grades on papers because my sisters have copies of them. I have a cell phone. I talk on my cell phone on the way to class. My cell phone often rings in class. People know I am popular because my cell phone rings so much.
I don’t associate with anyone but frat boys, with the occasional friend from high school. I shack. I have lots of different guys' boxers because I shack. I have a frat boy boyfriend. I shack at frat houses. You will see me walking down fraternity row in my black platforms and a tube top and capri pants at 11 am on Sunday morning because I just woke up. I wear Victoria’s Secret underwear… at least it will look good when it's on the floor. When I am involved with non-frat boys everyone thinks it’s weird. I think it’s weird when I’m involved with non-frat boys. I make out with fraternity boys at frat parties. I can be found at a frat house on any given night at 1:30 am. Late night, duh.
I spend hours doing my hair before I go to class so I can get that "messy" look. When I'm feeling lazy I throw on my sorority anorak and a pair of Reefs (the sorority girl uniform). I go to the gym with makeup on. My hair looks perfect when I am at the gym. I go to the gym in pure spandex. I act like I'm working out really hard when I am at the gym, but really I am only checking out frat boys. I diet. I eat salads and lots of chocolate cake. I wear sorority t-shirts everywhere, but especially to the gym.
I have the perfect outfit for every crush party. At pimps and hoes I don't even have to dress up.I shop as much as I can. My car is an obvious sorority girl car-it has a big sticker on it or a plate holder on it with my letters. I drive a really cute car. I spend more money on my purses than you did on your computer. I only use my computer to email people. I get my nails done. I have a cigarette case to match all of my Kenneth Cole shoes. I have MAC make up. I have a Tiffany's bracelet with my name engraved on it. I’m spoiled.
I have lots of frat guys’ phone numbers on my tack board. I talk about everyone. I gossip about my sisters. I cherish the Greek pages. I talk about my sorority in class. I will ask you about your sorority in class. I will let everyone know what sorority I'm in. I am a Chi Hoe, a Phi Sniff Sniff, an STD, a Dirty Girl, an AE Fat, a Phi Moo, or an Almost Chi O.
You wish you were like me. I know if you were really cool you would rush. If you did rush and dropped, we didn't want you anyway. I wear cute clothes to go get my mail. I have sex with frat boys. I always know what's going on. And if it's going on and I don't know about it, it must not be cool. I will ask you what sorority you're in and I will try not to laugh if your sorority sucks... or if you’re not in a sorority at all, wow, I'm really sorry. What do you do if you're not in a sorority? Do you go out if you're not in a sorority? Do you have any friends? Where on earth do you go to drink?
I have thousands of photographs. I am kissing a frat boy or drinking alcohol in 80 percent of the photos. In the other 20 percent I am too drunk to hold a beer any more or I just got finished kissing a frat boy. If you have a frat boy boyfriend and you're not in a sorority he's probably getting on me when you're not around. I like getting on other people's boyfriends. It makes me feel really good about myself. I am prettier than you, I sure as hell dress better than you, and damn it, I'm cooler than you.

I’m a sorority bitch.

I thought it was hilarious! Even if you're offended, you must admit the salad and chocolate cake thing is funny. And shacking...come on, who doesn't have one or two hilarious "Walk of Shame" stories?