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Stuff is just stuff. Even if it is expensive, it can be replaced. You can not be and your emotional well-being can't be either. Why put yourself through more communication with him to get "stuff" back?
If it is absolutely imperative that you get things back - have your third party and a friend (no one should go in alone with this guy) go in with a list and get the items and leave. Have the third party store the in a neutral place for a few days, that way your ex can't follow the third party with the intention of confronting you there. (Can you tell I've done this before?)
Also, be sure to protect your credit right now. I was in a abusive-controlling relationship and after I left, he opened up a bunch of credit cards using my SSN taken off personal docs that he had gotten his hands on while we were together. By the time that was figured out, Chase Bank, was not happy with him.
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