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I am a hyphenate, but largely go by my last name (for pretty much anything where it isn't essential to use your full legal name).
And sorry, but I am militant about it. I don't go off on strangers who call me "Mrs. hislastname" or anything, but I definitely do correct them and expect them to acknowledge it. However, I have family and friends who know what my name is and choose to call me "Mrs. hislastname," and they get the full nuclear blast. You don't get to just choose what to call someone -- it's not THAT freaking unusual for a married couple to have different last names, so if you willfully ignore that, you're being rude.
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