[CrimsonTide4]

You Know You're A Mother When...

1. You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to
make sure they're equal.

2. You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

3. You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

4. Your kid throws up and you catch it.

5. Someone else's kid throws up at a party. You keep
eating.

6. You consider finger paints to be a controlled
substance.

7. You've mastered the art of placing large quantities
of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything
touching.

8. Your child insists that you read "Once Upon a Potty"
out loud in the lobby of Grand Central Station and you
do it.

9. You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons;
your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.

10. You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the
only one your child eats.

11. You can't bear the thought of your son's first
girlfriend.

12. You hate the thought of his wife even more.

13. You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches
into cute shapes.

14. You can't bear to give away baby clothes - it's so
final.

15. You hear your mother's voice coming out of your
mouth when you say, "NOT in your good clothes!"

16. You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.

17. You donate to charities in the hope that your child
won't get that disease.

18. You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with
your husband in ages, then spend half the night
checking on the kids.

19. You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.

20. You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for
this job", but you know you wouldn't trade it for
anything.

************************************************** ******
The cruise ship docked at a Mexican port during a very
high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the
ship's narrow gangplank as a passageway to the dock far
below.

The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s
appeared at the top of the plank. There wasn't room for
anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and
finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone's
relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked back at
the top of the plank and shouted, "It's okay, Mother,
you can come down now."